Every time we drive by I’m like, let’s go there soon. I really want to check it out. Ray cringes, and pretends he doesn’t hear me. St. Louis Drive In sits at the corner of Waialae and 3rd Ave. and is pretty easy to miss since it’s so small. The place looks a bit tore up from the floor up; the kinda place that you should mentally and physically prepare yourself for, you know, with meditation, yoga, and tums, lots of tums. This draws me for some reason.

Hey, no worries, no dress code here.

Ray ordered the Mahi Sandwich, $6.55. It looks really good, yet really weird, is that a pancake in his sandwich? After poking and observing a bit more I discover that the fish is battered with pancake mix. Did they run out of regular batter or are they trying to be innovative? A drive in being innovative? Could happen. I’m not saying the next top chef works here, but maybe it’s grandma’s secret recipe. The sandwich was alright. The batter was good at first bite but then the fish just seemed limpy, and mushy. I felt like the pancake around the fish just acted as a sponge and soaked up the grease from the grill.

I ordered the Beef Stew, $5.95. It came with two scoops of rice and a small mac salad. The rice was horrible, hard some spots and mushy other spots. The stew was atrocious, definitely left overs, probably from early that month. It wasn’t very hot, hell, it wasn’t even warm. I got one half of a potato. It was as though someone got lazy and decided to cut the potato in halves to save time, instead of pieces. The beef was the worst part though. When you think of beef stew, you think of slow roasted, super tender meat right? At least I do. The beef was like jerky. No joke. It was so tough that when I took a bite some of it managed to get stuck between the walls of my teeth. At first I was hugely disappointed with the amount of meat I got but after taking a bite, I realized it was plenty because I couldn’t find it in myself to eat any more. Yep, this definitely gets the award for Worst Beef Stew Ever Made.

“You happy now?” Ray says with a sarcastic tone. He shakes his head, and just looks at me. It’s so fucking annoying because I know what he’s thinking, that this was exactly the reason why he doesn’t like coming to places like this, because the food sucks salty donkey dick cheese. But he doesn’t say much more because he knows I wouldn’t hesitate to smash my beef stew in his face. After eating we rush home because Ray has a weak stomach and his asshole needs to throw-up. I slide open the door while he’s on the shitter and that’s when I say, “I’m happy now babe.”

I do want to add that service was friendly and prices was super cheap. They have daily specials, student specials, and grape juice. Some items I found on the menu that are super duper cheap are grill cheese – $1.45, tuna sandwich – $1.75, 3 pancakes – $3.30, loco moco – $4.80. Because of it’s cheap prices I support this place, just do yoga one hour before you come, tums are optional.

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St Louis Drive In
3145 Waialae Ave
Honolulu, HI 96816

Get Directions(808) 734-3673

Boston’s North End Pizza is another great place to get some serious grub. With locations all over the island I’m surprised this place doesn’t have a website. The only other Boston’s I’ve been to is Kaimuki on Wailae. Boston’s is the kind of place that no matter which location you visit it will be a good experience.

The place is a pretty basic pizza joint. You walk in order your piece of the pie and wait for them to heat it up. You can order a whole pie fresh but if it’s just one slice your jonesing for then odds are it’ll be premade behind the counter.

This is one slice. I know massive right? This one is the spinach and garlic I think. One slice is 1/4 of a whole pizza and as you can see is the size of two regular slices and cost about five bucks.

Rays pizza slice. Not a bad deal for a filling meal for around $5.00. Oh, and the pizza’s not bad either. Even though it’s not fresh, it’s reheated so it tastes fresh enough.

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Boston’s North End Pizza Bakery

29 Hoolai St
Kailua, HI 96734

Get Directions(808) 263-8055

Here are some photos I’ve found of my last trip to the Golden Palace.

I know this looks a bit slimy, but it was more silky than slimy, chicken wrapped in won ton skins with gravy

This was my least favorite. The inside was filled with way too much mochi and very doughy.

I still think it’s crazy when I tell my friends about dim sum and they’re like, “dim what?” I was brought up eating this stuff and I’ll never get tired of it. Where else are you able to sample little bits of everything without breaking your wallet? As a matter of fact, dim sum has been probably one of the cheapest, most fulling meals for me. When Ray and I go I don’t think we ever spend more than $15.00. What a steal.

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Golden Palace
111 N King St
Honolulu, HI 96817

Get Directions(808) 521-8268

Alright, I’ve been holding off on writing this post long enough. If you’ve been a good little fan and reading all my post then you’ll remember when I said Metis, or Rainy Day Cafe is the best internet cafe on this island in one of my previous post on Morning Brew. Metis just recently changed its name to Rainy Day Cafe. I personally thought the name Metis was more fitting. The manager was hired to give the place a nice douche job. Although the cafe was nice before I do notice a few subtle changes that really enliven the place.

As you can see, this cafe is pretty spacious. Unlike a lot of internet cafes around the island, there’s plenty of space. There’s seating at the counter, couches, and at the tables. Like a good internet cafe, they have computers for your using pleasure, not that kinda of pleasure you sick, sick man, for a small fee of course. Now, if you already have a laptop, sweet, because if your a computer whore like me and can easily spend countless hours with your laptop, then you’ll appreciate all the power outlets they provide. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to an internet cafe and been forced to leave only because my computer ran out of power. If your hungry they have a small selection of food and if you want something sweet they have a nice array of pastries and tarts to choose from, all which look very tempting. Also, the restrooms always looks clean and inviting, which is a nice bonus, as we all know coffee is a laxative. Every time I go into the restroom to do my thing, I regret not taking my fully charged laptop with me. I swear I can hear the toilet say, “come in old friend, my how I missed that sweet ass of yours. Come sit on my face.” And I respond, “don’t mind if I do.” I think a bidet would look quite nice in here. Anyhow, internet isn’t free. I know I mentioned many times that all business should give free internet but if your a noncorporate internet coffee shop, then I guess it’s okay. The fee is $3.00 per user but Ray, Shane and I like to all go in and pay for only one user and pass the access code around. There’s been days where we are the only ones in there and still we pay for only one user fee. I know they’re not stupid and have to know but they probably just don’t care or know that we are just loyal customers and would rather spend the money we save on food. Here’s what we bought.

This Bagel Sandwich, $4.95. Yes only $4.95. There’s not a lot of places that have food for under five bucks so even if you don’t have any desire to use a computer and you just want to to grab a quick bite that’s cool too.

This bagel sandwich comes with fresh romain lettuce, cheese, tomato, cucumber and a creamy pesto sauce. Everything works in conjunction really well. The creamy pesto gives it a nice gourmet touch while the cucumbers really balance out the strong natural flavors of the salami.

Next we have the New York Lox Bagel, $6.50. The last lox bagel I had was at Bogarts and apparently if I go back there one of the workers will jizz in my food. She’s a female so I’m assuming in order to do this she would have to squat over my food. Either way, no thanks, besides the one at Rainy Day Cafe is cheaper. Like all Lox Bagels it comes with cream cheese, slices of thinly sliced onions, tomato, smoked salmon and capers. Ray and I ordered this before and we’re ordering it again because it was just that good.

Did I mention that they have pastries. I notice that they pastry selection changes from time to time, which is good because that means we’re always going to get something fresh. On this day they had a huge array of baklava. I’m not Jewish, or Russian and maybe that’s why I’m not really crazy about baklava, but it just looked so pretty that I had to get one.

I got one and it came in this over sized container.

Side view of my baklava.

Top view of my baklava. It was a really small piece and cost my somewhere around a buck fifty. This one had pistachios and like all baklava’s, was soaked in honey. I’m glad I didn’t get two because one is usually all I can eat. I like sweet, but baklava’s are too sweet for my liking. Lets me on.

On a separate occasion I had cake. The chocolate cake was moist and spongy and the cream was the soft whipped kind. I’m sorry but I don’t remember how much this cost me, I’m guessing around $3.50, but I do know that it was worth every penny.

There you have it folks. This place is by far the best internet cafe on the island. Lets face it when it comes to internet cafes, it’s all about the ambiance. This place makes for a nice work space. It’s a little hidden right outside the mall which is probably why it’s not always ridiculously busy.

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Rainy Day Cafe
1601 Kapiolani Blvd # 150
Honolulu, HI 96814

(808) 945-9944

Have you notice that there’s not a whole lot of Southern Restaurants here? Well, if you feel like taking a drive to the Makaha on the West Side you’ll find one called Southern Swell. The first time I’ve been here was on vacation back in February. Since then there’s been a change of ownership. Of course we didn’t know this until we last came here.

Along with the ownership there have been a lot of changes, like the decor of the whole place. Before, the name suited the place well. When I say that I mean it was really hot and draggy. I don’t remember exactly, but I do recall seeing a lot of gray when I think of it last. Now, as you can see, they managed to liven up the place rather nicely. I do want to mention however, this was the nicest part of the restaurant, the rest looked like a dirty, cluttered mess of someones home.

There was seating out in the side patio as well. It was a pretty large area that was covered so we were able to enjoy being outside, yet still feel like we were inside and not burning up under the sun.

Now, if you come here expecting expecting a huge array of southern comfort foods like collard greens, crawfish, sweet potato pie and grits you won’t find it here. But they do have the traditional country fried steak, biscuits and gravy, mac and cheese, beer batter catfish, chicken wings, smoked pulled pork, baby back ribs, BBQ chicken, corn on the cob and potato salad to name a few.

We came here for smoked, BBQ anything. Last time we were here there was a huge smoke pit out front where they smoke your meat all day until it was as tender as a baby’s ass. It was a bummer to not see it here this time. We decided against ordering any serious BBQ and shared the Smoked Chicken Quesadilla, $7.50. It came in a 12 inch flour tortilla with cheddar cheese, pico de gallo, refried beans, smoked chicken and tomato jam. Yes tomato jam. It’s that big red blob that looks like, well, I don’t want to ruin your appetite so I won’t mention it, but contrary to what it looks like, it was de-licious. I can’t say I ever had tomato jam before and now that I have, I’m a fan. There wasn’t a whole lot of chicken and the refried beans gave it a mushy consistency. Overall, the quesadilla was good but didn’t have the heartiness you’d expect from southern food.

Along with quesadilla we shared the Smoked Pulled Pork, $8.00. It came on a pathetic bun, topped with homemade BBQ, steak fries, and a pathetic slice of pickle to match. Let’s start with the fries. Do these look like steak fries to you? I’m not an expert in the fries department so correct me if I’m wrong, but my idea of steak fries are thick, sizable fries. These were thin, some parts were paper thin and they were seasoned with pepper rather than salt. Also, they didn’t have any chalkiness, which is a good thing. I know it sound like I’m bashing them and I’m really not. Just calling it the way I saw it. To my surprise actually I enjoyed these, “steak fries.” The bun for the sandwich was pathetic. It was the size of a bun you’d expect if you ordered a kids meal. As you can see the sandwich came with no veggies, just meat and BBQ sauce. This didn’t surprise me because Southern people aren’t really known for their large consumption of fruits and vegetables. The pulled pork was really tasty. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten bad pulled pork in Hawaii. The BBQ sauce had a nice sweetness and added great flavor.

Overall, I have to say I’m not a huge fan of this place. I think I prefer the prior Southern Swell. I’m not saying you guys shouldn’t try this place. As a matter of fact I think you should. It was good. More reasons for you to come here is B.Y.O.B. That’s right, they let you bring your own beer. I absolutely love places that let you bring your own alcohol. Did I mention all the free wireless internet you can get. Yes free, who doesn’t love internet these days. I think all business should offer free internet for the fuck of it and the fact that they do is awesome.

Like diners, I’m a little stereotypical when it comes to southern food. I know it’s a little ignorant, but hey, at least I admit it. It’s something I need to work on. I’m just going to be brutally honest here so if your sensitive or get offended easily stop reading. When I think southern food I think obesity. I haven’t had a whole shit load of southern food, but the times I have had it wasn’t very impressive. The vegetables are usually overcooked to the point where ‘ no nutritional value whatsoever, soaked in grease, cooked with ham, and look like a mussy mess. Come on have you seen their collared greens, two words, baby shit. Also, it’s called comfort food because after eating it your doused with a sudden case of food coma, too lethargic to move, so where ever you are, one must find comfort, you have no choice. And over time, you look like one big comfort-able bean bag. How fucking awesome is that? I do want to add that Southern people really know how to BBQ. Look, I’m going to stop before I piss off the wrong people and end up in pieces and ran through a wood grinder. I’m just going to end this post with a few links to back me up.

Obesity in the South

Southern Comfort Food is Too Much of a Good Thing

Religion + South + Comfort Food = Obesity

Southern Discomfort Food

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87-070 Farrington Hwy

Waianae, HI 96792-3114

Get Directions

(808) 852-9893

If you live on Oahu and your into pastries, desserts, ice cream or anything sweet, then this food review site should be perfect for you. If there’s one thing you’ll see a lot of in here it’s sugar. I’m sure you all think I’m some obese stubby Asian but I’m not, I just think like one.

So Ray and I are driving by and I’m like, “Stop! Lets get some cake.” Ray slammed on the brakes, did a quick u-turn, and hauled the car into park. What I liked best about this place is that they sell cake by the slice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into a bakery to see a beautiful work of art teasing me. Its torture when all I want is to take my eye candy to the next level, only to find that I have to buy the whole freaking cake to do so. Aaaggghhh!!! Well not at Mary Catherines. I don’t know her, but she knows me, if you know what I mean. She understands me. I got this slice of strawberry short cake for $2.50. I have to say, probably the best $2.50 I’ve ever spent. The cake was soft and moist, the strawberries inside were sweet and the cream was whipped, and not the super sweet cake frosting that are on most cakes you get from a grocery store. Now, if you have more mouths to feed and you feel like doing a good deed get a whole 6″ for $12.00 or a 12″ for $22.00. That’s probably cheaper than a whole cake ordered form a grocery store and undoubtedly better.

Not into strawberry short cake, have no fear, variety’s here.

There’s no seating inside as it’s really small and a little cramped but there’s plenty of seating outside.

This is one of my new favorite finds. In my professional opinion, people don’t consume enough cake these days. Really, when was the last time you had cake. And I don’t mean during birthdays or weddings. I suggest you go here one day on a whim, order a whole 6″ cake and have them write on top, ” Because I love you,” bring it home and surprise someone you love.

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Mary Catherines Bakery & Cakes
2820 King Street
Honolulu, HI 96826
(808) 946-4333

When I was a kid my mother use to take me to San Jose on her days off. San Jose has a huge Vietnamese community that made my mom feel right at home. We would drive an hour just for some pho, then before we drove back home we would make a stop at a deli to stock up on some Vietnamese sandwiches.

If your not familiar with a Vietnamese sandwich it might look a little odd at first. A basic one, like the one you see above will consist of pork sausage, pickled sweet and sour carrots and radishes, cilantro, meat paste, mayonnaise, and sometimes a few fresh slices of jalapenos on a French roll. These have to be one of my all time favorite sandwiches.

This one was really good. However, I didn’t really care for the fish sauce they put on it because it made the sandwich a little too salty for my liking.

Summer Rolls, $4.29. These were large and nicely rolled. I liked that it came in a combo pack of one shrimp and one shredded pork roll.

As for my dessert I couldn’t decide between almond jello or tapioca so I got them both. At the low rate of $1.50 I could afford to treat myself. The almond jello was good but the tapioca one was really mushy and soft. I don’t think it was overdone, just probably sitting there too long.

Bale Sandwich Shop is one of the largest local chains in the state. With two locations in Maui, one on the big island, one on Kauai, and about twenty here on Oahu this place has really prospered and grown.

Overall I’m pretty satisfied with this place. The prices were fair, food was good. Just don’t order the tapioca unless it looks fresh and remember to ask for the sandwich without fish sauce.

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Ba Le Sandwich & Vietnamese Shop
333 Ward Ave.
Honolulu, HI 96815
(808) 591-0935

Every time we have plans to try this place another restaurant intercepts us in on the way. Well today we were determine with a one track mind and tunnel vision we finally made it for lunch.

The restaurant is quite large once inside.

This was our first pick. I have to say I’m not a huge fan of fried dim sum, only because by the time it rolls out to our table from the kitchen it’s not as hot and fresh. I’m sure we all can agree fried food taste best right out of the deep fryer when it’s hot and crispy. These fried shrimp won tons were crispy but they were room temperature, like they had been sitting out for hours.

I was quite certain that my taste buds would be a huge fan of these seafood balls rolled in sticky rice, but I was wrong. Wow, it just had a huge seafood taste that was so overpowering I could only eat the outer layer of rice on one of them. I don’t know what seafood is used but just think of seafood bologna rolled in sticky mochi rice. But maybe that was just me, cause Ray really liked these.

Pork hash is a must at dim sum. It’s just a safe plate as it is always delightfully fresh and appetizing.

Here’s another dish that’s new to me. Mochi balls stuffed with meat n’ stuff. Just so you all know, I’m not really a mochi fan. I do enjoy it but in small amounts. Biting into one of these was a little overwhelming for me because there was so much chewy mochi that it made it hard to swallow and when I finally did, it seemed like it wanted to come back up. However, once I made my way to the center I found the stuff inside to be surprising delectable.

Steamed pork buns, yet another classic dim sum pick. These were hot and tasted fresh not to mention very filling even after just one.

This time I saved the best for last. If you have not had these pineapple buns you must stop what your doing right now and get some. The sweet flaky top, and hot creamy egg custard filling puts you in a state of shear bliss. Do not get these things at a bakery, it’s never the same, only at a restaurant. Better yet, get them here they were amazing.

The whole bill came out to around $15.00. That’s why I love dim sum so much, it’s fun, delicious (most of the time), filling and always so cheap.

Here are some other reviews on Good Luck Chinese Restaurant that I found. Enjoy!

‘Ono Kine Grindz

Yelp

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100 N Beretania St #101
Honolulu, HI 96817
(808) 524-9988

This post is long overdue and I apologize for that. I try to keep my post as current and fresh as possible. As most of you already know, I’m still somewhat new to this island. Ray and I made a bold move back in March and dropped everything just to move out here. We didn’t have internet at first, but luckily the hotel next to us did, Ray’s computer was strong enough to grab it but it was slow and he needed to get work done. He searched for places that offer free wifi and are within walking distance online at wififreespot.com. Coconut Cafe was on the list and really close so we decided to pack up our laptops and have lunch there.
The place is extremely small, not really an ideal place to work. I think there were 3 tables and all two seaters. We scan the menu and this is what we got.

Ray ordered the Seafood Mixed Sandwich, $4.99. All sandwiches are served with your choice of lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, cheese, cucumbers, carrots, mayo, and mustard. He said this sandwich didn’t taste right. The seafood tasted bad like it had been sitting there in a tuperware container for a while. I took a bite and it tasted a bit mushy. I’m not a fan of seafood sandwiches unless it’s grilled.

I couldn’t decide so of course I resorted to dessert. I got the Azukibean Shaved Ice with condensed milk, $3.99 but the condensed milk cost an extra .75. This was rather large and a little messy. It looks more exciting than it tasted.

I also forgot to mention that online it states that internet was free, which was the reason why we went there in the first place. When we got there it cost $8.00 a day. Of course we didn’t pay, that’s just ridiculous and false advertising.

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Coconut Cafe
2441 Kuhio Ave
Honolulu, HI 96815
(808) 922-8700

Dim sum here I come. Yeah, I’m sure no one has ever said that before. When it comes to Dim Sum, I consider myself to be pretty darn experienced. Growing up in Pleasanton, California every Sunday our family would drive to San Francisco just to have dim sum. My father would read the Sing Tao Daily the week before in search of what the critics were saying was the newest, flashiest, and most affordable dim sum restaurant in all of San Francisco. Of course they were always in China Town. Thinking about it now I can’t help but miss my family. Golden Place is my first dim sum experience in Hawaii and it brought back fond memories for me.

I say that because like a lot of dim sum places that I went to as a child, from the outside it looks like a standard Chinese restaurant, but you walk in and it’s a little bigger, brighter, and busier than what you’d expect. As soon as we walked in one of the ladies pushing the carts of food stopped everything she was doing and ask, “how many?” We say, “two” and being a small group she points us over to the smallest table at the far corner of the restaurant.

I can’t tell you how aggravating it was to be ignored. Since we were in the corner they would of had to roll out of their usual route to get to us, not hard right. It wasn’t like they couldn’t see us, because the restaurant was a big open rectangular room. They just chose not to see us, probably because we wouldn’t have given them very much business being just two people. The table next to us, of two as well, we’re also getting impatient. Finally after sitting there for about 20 minutes I get up and decide to take it upon myself to get some food. Oh, also, I forgot to mention, that it was our anniversary on this day. August 25th makes it two years since we’ve been together and we’ve been engaged since February. Back to the story, so I go up to an abandoned cart, go through the bamboo trays for something tasty to eat. The lady comes back, I direct her to our table and have her follow me. She’s a total bitch and just stands there instead of showing us what was in the trays, so again I’m like whatever, don’t mind if I do. I get up and start going through all the trays myself showing Ray what was underneath each lid while the lady just stood there next to me. This is what we picked out.

This is sticky rice wrapped in banana leaves flavored with minced meat and sometimes a yolk from an egg. This is one of my favorites at dim sum and very filling.

This is my all time favorite pastry, pineapple bun. I don’t even know why they are called a pineapple bun as there is really no pineapple flavor. Like most pastries they’re best hot. Inside their cavernous walls lies gooey moist egg custard. Here’s some more fun food knowledge for you. I don’t know why, but for some retarded reason they only sell these pineapple buns at dim sum restaurants. Bakeries will sell similar ones, but the inside is usually some kind of dry filling, like coconut or beans and never as good.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like Pork Hash. It’s the one of the few things every person new to dim sum must try. These were really good.

Here’s some more fun food facts according to yours truly. Pork hashes are always accompanied in the same cart as these shrimp dumplings.

Maybe it’s because they just go so well together. We got two each of the pork hash and shrimp dumplings.

We decided that next time we eat here we’re going to say, “party of five, they’re meeting us here.” That way, we’ll be seated at a much larger table that is along side of their cart route. The bill came out to just over $12.00 for 6 dishes. Not bad for dim sum, but if you didn’t notice, only 3 items each were given per tray but they were a lot bigger than the usual 4 pieces that are given from most dim sum places so we were o.k. with it. There’s also food being sold just as you walk into the restaurant for to go. So if you want to eat but not dine, that would probably be better.

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Golden Palace Seafood.
111 N. King St.
Honolulu, HI
(808) 521-8268

Located right outside of Waikiki is a local diner, with real local prices. This is the type of place that I hoped to be writing about when I first started this blog. Not diners, but just cheap places. After all, my blog is called, “cheap places to eat in Oahu Hawaii” I would hope that I could live up to the name at least sometimes. The truth of the matter is, there’s just not that many super duper cheap places to eat out here. And to make matters worst, the grocery stores are more expensive than dining out at times. Well, Rainbow Diner is exactly what I would expect from a diner, not good, cheap, and yes, very affordable.

There’s seating outside, under a shaded cover. I got in line and scanned the menu for something that would satisfy my morning breakfast appetite. Holly shit, are they for real, Loco Moco – $3.25, Toss Salad – $2.00, Hamburger – $1.55, BBQ Burger – $1.70,
Pancakes – $3.75. The list went on and on. I don’t think I saw anything over 7.00 and only a few items over $6.00. Blood rushed through my veins, my sweat pores started to dampen and,” I desperately wanted to make love to a schoolboy,” well not really, just thought I’d throw a quote from Dumb and Dumber but ya’ll get the point.

I got the Breakfast Special, two eggs cooked the way you like, choice of meat, with rice or white or wheat toast for $4.50. I picked the mahi mahi. Now, when I say it’s not good, maybe I’m over exaggerating, it was decent and then it got bad. Perhaps I picked the wrong thing to eat. Who has fish for breakfast, right? Everything was fried in heavy oil so after I was done eating I felt like my insides were heavily coated with lard. Who knows, maybe it’ll help speed up the digestion process.

Here’s a picture of the fish over eggs.

French Toast, $4.25. Again, this was decent. Ray said it was kinda like grilled bread with powdered sugar. Nonetheless, he ate it and it served it’s purpose by filling the empty hole in his belly.

Rainbow Diner is a very basic as can be diner. The whole time I was here I only saw local people. I want to say that I’ll never be back, but something about this place, the diner, locals, low prices and basic food reels me back in. Sometimes basic food is all I need and does the job. I said before, I rarely go to the same place twice unless it was just that good or just that cheap. Cheap humbles me. I’ll give this place one more chance before I check them off, but it won’t be for a while

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Rainbow Drive-Inn
3308 Kanaina Ave.
Honolulu HI 96815
(808) 96815

I have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn in the mornings to move the car before I get a ticket or before it gets towed. So instead of reparking it and going back to sleep, Ray and I decide to start our day off with a smoothie from Jamba Juice.

I know a lot of you don’t really care about Jamba Juice, or any other major chain places, but this isn’t really about Jamba, it’s about the new Acai Cups they have. If you’ve been following my blog, then you already know that I’m a sucker for acai bowls, or in this case, cups. So when Jamba Juice joined the band wagon and decided to come out with one of their own I had no choice but to
give them a fair try.

While this is the winner when it comes to prices, only $4.50, it didn’t do it for me when it came it satisfaction. There’s just something special about acai smoothies in a bowl. In a cup, with fruit and granola it just seems more like a wanna be parfait. While the fruit was good, the granola was more like bits of cardboard. It was so bland that I would have preferred the cup without the granolas than with. There was no honey. When will places learns that acai bowls, cups, will never reach their full potential unless they are generously coated with nector from mother nature, yes, owey goey honey. I went up to the counter and asked for some and they didn’t have any. Fortunately, Star Bucks does and where there’s a Jamba Juice there’s tends to be a Star Bucks, since Jamba is owned by Star Bucks. Actually it was not my idea, but the employee of Jamba, “people go get honey packets next door all the time.” Sweet, don’t mind if I do. I walked next door up to the counter and asked for some honey. They gave it free of charge, with a smile. Yet another way to jack Star Bucks and not hate on them.

Get Directions

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Jamba Juice
625 Kapahulu Ave Honolulu, HI 96815
(808) 734-4177

After reading Kathy’s food blog about Andy’s one day I had to see what all the fuss was about, so a few days later I rounded up the boys, Ray, Shane, and Justin and we went out in search of this famous sandwich place. Ray’s a sandwich whore. He loves Subway, Quizno’s and just deli’s in general. I’ve eaten more sandwiches in the last two years I’ve been with him than my whole entire existence. I always thought that sandwiches were a bit juvenile, made solely for the younger days of elementary school when we were forced to bring a plastic lunch box that accommodated a matching thermus filled with apple juice. Inside the box would almost always be some kind of monotonous sandwich, usually peanut butter and jelly or baloney and cheese. After the fourth grade I really can’t recall ever eating or having the desire to eat another sandwich, and then I met Ray. I have to admit, sandwiches have grown on me. Although, I can’t eat them all day like Ray can, I do appreciate a good sandwich ever now and then and Andy’s is perfect for those occasions.

Andy’s is a small, family owned and operated deli. The menu is written on super bright fluorescent paper. Sandwiches run around $5.00.

This is the Chicken Burger, $3.85. I think it resembles a sandwich more than it does a burger, but hey, it’s Andy’s store, he could name it whatever the hell he wants.

Roast Beef Sandwich, $4.50.

I ordered the Eggplant Melt, $5.85.

All the sandwiches were amazing. I have to agree with Kathy when she says the sandwiches “leaves you satisfied, not full.” Sometimes it’s liberating not being a glutton whore.
Another reason why I love Andy’s is they have Wifi. You gotta appreciate places that openly give access to free Internet.

Andy’s is another place that proves good food doesn’t mean you have to ass rape your customers just to stay in business

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Andy’s Sandwiches and Smoothies
2904 East Manoa Rd,
Honolulu, HI
(808) 988-6161

So right next to Tropicana lies a small taco shop called Tacos Baja. We’ve driven pass this place several times when it was still in the process of being built. I remember thinking, “We’re definitely gonna check it out. This island is in desperate need of some good Mexican food.” Well now that I’ve been here I can tell you that this place sucks donkey dick.

There’s seating outside, where you order, and seating inside.

I am a little perturbed that this place even claims to be authentic. The only thing close to being authentic is the decor, but most certainly not the food.
Ray ordered the combo chicken enchiladas meal, $6.95. It came with rice and beans and 3 enchiladas. I don’t care what anyone says, these were not chicken enchiladas. We all agreed that this tasted more like a chicken Cesar salad wrapped in a corn tortilla. Correct me if I’m wrong, but enchiladas are usually smothered in sauce and melted cheese. It doesn’t even have to be smothered, but some kind of sauce would be nice, even a little. This had no enchilada sauce what so ever, just chicken, lettuce, grated cheese and I think it was a light chipotle cream, that tasted like Cesar dressing because of the cheese that accompanied it. Even eating them were an issue. They couldn’t stay together long enough for him to shovel it into his mouth since there was nothing holding it together.
Rice, beans and dry enchiladas, wow, can somebody get me something to drink. I got cotton mouth just by looking at this picture.

As for me, I ordered shaved ice from Tropicana next door to start and two fish taco. The price for fish varies from market price. I think I paid something like $6.00 for both.

Now don’t everyone go running out the door all at once for some authentic fish tacos. Seriously, cabbage, fish and a corn tortilla, how exhilarating can a these tacos get? If you want fake Mexican food come here and don’t forget to get something to drink. If it’s authentic food you crave, this is not the place for you my friend.

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Directions

Baja Tacos
3040 Waialae Avenue
Honolulu, HI 96816
(808) 737-5893

O.K. so I’m gonna take this time to be a little racist and stereotypical and I feel totally o.k. being this brutally honest because I’m here at home, safe, behind the screen of my laptop. I’ve devised this theory; Asian people treat their shaved ice the way White people treat their ice cream sundaes. I never come across an Asian that goes crazy over a sundae and vice versa, but Asians love their shaved ice and White people love sundaes, even on Mondays. Also White people go crazy with sundaes, they put all kinds of shit in it: strawberries, pineapple, chocolate, marsh mellow cream, nuts cherries, carmel, whipped cream, the list goes on and on. Well, same goes for Asians and their shaved ice. We put beans, mochi balls, tapioca, fruit, jelly things, condense milk etc.

Here are some pictures of some yummy shaved ice toppings from a Chinese shaved ice cafe in Los Angelos.

You get my point?

Now when it comes to ice cream for Asians, we keep it simple, ice cream and maybe one other topping, otherwise it starts to look like something I regurgitated back up and am still consuming only because I’m too cheap to let it go to waste. I don’t want to fuck up my ice cream by mixing all kinds of crazy shit into it and of course white people feel the same about shaved ice, just ice and flavored syrup. As a matter of fact, most hales have never even heard of shaved ice with anything else. Ray, my half white, half Mexican fiance, who mine as well be white, goes, ” Babe, I never knew Asians loved shaved ice so much and all that crazy shit that you guys put on it. You would hate shaved ice in Texas, just ice and juice. Beans as a desert, it just doesn’t sound right,” he says. Oh, but it taste so good. Now Ray, and Shane still refuse to eat my shaved ice, they just can’t get past the bean thing. Ignorant fools, such poor unfortunate souls. Shaved Ice is not just ice and juice. And yes, I can tell you right now honey, I will despise it in Texas, that’s why I’m here and not there. Shaved ice is an art that I take very seriously. It’s not just about the toppings, but also the consistency, texture, fluffiness, the amount of condense milk in ratio to the amount of ice. You get my point.
Now that I’m done ranting, I’ve found a place that so far is one of my favorites on this island. Tropicana has shaved ice as light and fluffy as the clouds of heaven.

My only gripe was that they didn’t have as many toppings as that Chinese place in L.A.
All their specialty shaved ice comes with azuki beans, ice cream, condense milk, and mochi balls. I ordered the #8 lychee berries shaved ice. It comes with vanilla ice cream and is amazing. Ice cream and shaved ice, the best combo ever. The shaved ice was perfect. The way it dissolved in your mouth, like butter on hot toast. One way of judging good shaved ice is the ice itself. If it’s at all crunchy, or hard, it’s no good, move on, you deserve better than that.

On a separate occasion I got the #3, strawberry flavored shaved ice with strawberry ice cream. This time it came in a different bowl, but still just as yummy.

I had to get another one. This time the #2, Mountain Coffee with coffee ice cream inside. Again, I loved every bite.

And this is what it looks like on the inside

Ray got shaved ice with two flavors for $2.00.

On a separate occasion I got the #12 Green Tea, with green tea ice cream, $4.50. If your a fan of green tea your gonna love this. Its cool, refreshing and who knows, might even be healthy.

Also, all prices include tax, so you don’t have to worry about factoring that in. The price you see is the price you pay. Now if shaved ice just doesn’t excite you, that’s cool. To each one own, right? They also have bubble drinks, floats and a nice selection of ice cream. I suggest the shaved ice. Even Ray agrees that it’s just better here, but he still refused to eat the beans.

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Tropicana
3036 Waialae Ave,
Honolulu, HI
(808) 739-2098

I’ve been wanting to try this place out for some time now. Back in February when we were here on vacation we went to China Town for Chinese New Year. For dinner we went to this crowded restaurant where they sat you with strangers in order to accommodate everyone. The people that sat with us were totally friendly and suggested we try The Green Papaya if we get a chance. Well we didn’t get the chance to then but I made it a point to remember the name just in case we came back. One month later, we’re back and I finally got around to experiencing it for myself.

We ordered the seafood spring rolls to start, $9.95. It came with vermicelli noodles, lettuce cucumbers and mint leaves. They were really tasty and a perfect dish to start out with. It came with 7 so each of us were able to have a few. I suggest putting some of the rooster hot sauce in with the sauce that it comes with. It gives it a nice kick. After the egg rolls I mixed the rest of the stuff together and made a tasty salad with it.

For my entree I had a shrimp papaya salad, $8.95. I’m a sucker for papaya salads. They’re just really filling, light and scrumptious. Also, it’s the only salad that’s worth taking home for left overs because it doesn’t get soggy from all the dressing. I love that it came with plenty of basil. Basil is the best herb ever and not used enough. I added some rooster hot sauce to this plate as well. I love that stuff.

Shane got the Curry with Chicken, $8.95. Shane’s a curry whore. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him order anything else when we eat Vietnamese or Thai. It’s just too good to pass up. He was very pleased with his decision.

Ray ordered Chow Fun with Chicken, $8.95. This dish I saved for last because it was the reject dish. This would probably rank up there as one of the worst chow fun dishes that we have come across. First off, this isn’t chow fun. I don’t know who they think they’re fooling, maybe they ran out of chow fun noodles and tried to play it off with some other type of noodle. Perhaps they’re having a shortage on noodles all together because there was way more bean sprouts than noodles. The noodles that were there were over cooked and mushy. It was so disappointing. Now, when it comes to credentials, Ray and I are covered. Chow Fun is like Shane’s curry to Ray, he hardly orders anything else. As for me, I’m Chinese, not knowing what chow fun is is like not knowing what rice is. If you want good chow fun go to The Golden Eagle.

If your driving here there’s parking in the back, you could also enter the restaurant from there.

Overall, since the chow fun dish was not my order I’m quite pleased with this place. The prices aren’t super cheap, but still in the affordable range. I most definitely will come back, just not anytime soon. There’s just so much of Oahu I still need to see.

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Green Papaya
629 Keeaumoku St.
Honolulu, HI 96814
(808) 953-2340

Internet and cafe, they’re just so perfect together, it had to be destiny. I think all cafe shops should offer free internet. Shane, Ray and I are all internet whores. There’s this cafe we go to called Metis and so far it’s the best internet cafe on the island. We’re totally open to trying other cafes, as long as there’s internet available. One day Ray and I grabbed our laptops and went out in search of new internet cafe. Where did we end up? Morning Brew in Kailua.

Ray ordered his usual cafe mokka, for $3.30. I couldn’t decide so of course I follow my infamous words of wisdom, “when in doubt order sugar,” and that’s exactly what I did. I ordered some brownie carmel thing. It was beautiful and would have made a decadent treat if Ray had shared with me. One thing about me is that not only do I love to eat and try other peoples food, but I also love to share my food. Hey sharing is caring and I fucking “Kea.” So when people don’t eat or even try my food, I get offended and butt hurt, like, “who the fuck do you think you are, think your better than me, better than my brownie, too good for your own good. Can’t even take a bite. Fuck you and your shitty cafe mocha. That thing probably has more calories and fat than my brownie anyway. Donkey dick,” At least that’s what I telepathically said to him, I think the message got lost somewhere in translation. My point is the brownie was too much, just over the top. After eating it all I felt like a fresh bag of shit.

Also there’s a full menu with prices that your wallet will be happy with, like a hummus bagel $3.25, organic large curry chicken salad $6.75 and Nachos $5.85.

Internet, cafe, and sugary goodness, together at last.

Mac for life baby. If only I had bought some stock in it a decade ago.

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Morning Brew
600Kailua Road
Kailua, HI 96734

There are some people that drive by a really ostentatious place and say, “Wow, that looks fancy, we should go there for dinner one night,” Well, I’m the same way, but with hole in the walls. I say, “Wow, that place looks really dingy, we gotta go there.” That’s exactly how I felt the first time I laid eyes upon Diegos Taco Shop.
It’s a small boxy place. You walk in, menus up above, order at the register, grab a table and wait for your food. Usually places like this is family owned and operated. I remember seeing another Diegos Taco Shop in Pearl City a while back, so they must be doing good for them to want to branch out. I don’t know if the guy that took our order was a “Diego” but I do remember that he was very gracious and friendly.

Ray got a carne asada burrito. It cost $5.95 and was ginormous.

His complaint was that it didn’t come with refried beans inside and it didn’t come with cheese, but you can’t deny that they’re really generous with the amount of meat they give.

I ordered the fish taco for $3.15. I have no complaints, just preferences. While cabbage works, lettuce is just ideal on a taco, or even a burrito for that matter.

And a chicken taco for $1.65.

And of course I scurried the menu for dessert and all I could find was a churro. I believe it was $1.00. It was alright. My mom, who is Chinese, makes a better churro than this.

Overall I’m a fan of this place. The food was a little too salty, yet still tasty and very affordable.

Now that I know how their dishes are prepared I will be better prepared at ordering the next time around; extra, extra, cheese, and please substitute the cabbage with lettuce, spank you very much.

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Diego’s Taco Shop
2239 S. King St.
Honolulu, HI 96826
(808) 944-2949

I am a whore of many kinds, amongst a few are shaved ice, condiments, and acai bowls. Anytime I see acai bowls I will instantly become a whore for her sweet sweet love.
Robeks, to me, is like Jamba Juice’s retarded brother; it’s like they’re trying to be as hip and cool as Jamba but somehow it just not happening.

As for the acai bowl, I ordered the Super Acai Bowl, a “blend of 7 oz of Acai, apple juice, bananas, topped with fresh banana slices and organic granola.” It was good, but not what I had expected. Just like with shaved ice, texture and consistency is crucial. If it’s too runny, as it was at Lanikai, then you mine as well toss the utensils out the window and pick up a straw. The acai bowls at Robeks were complete opposite, instead of being too running, they were too thick, so thick that to me it was more like frozen sorbet with granola on it. I seriously had to use a little force just to shovel some up. Now, like I said, it wasn’t bad, actually it was rather tasty, just not what I was expecting.

The bowl didn’t come with honey to top but when I asked for it, the lady behind the counter gladly gave it to me, a generous amount at no additional charge.

Another thing I like about this place is that they have the nutritional information on the back of their to go menus. The only other places that I know of that does this is Jamba Juice and Sub Way.
In conclusion, The Health Bar still wins the “Best Acai Bowl Award,” Although, however orgasmic their acai bowls are, I still refuse to go there; waiting 45 minutes for a smoothie is fucking ridiculous. I wouldn’t doubt if their cute little servers are more talented at the art of fellatio than at the art of blending.
Rebeks is the perfect treat on a hot humid day. Since their acai bowls are super hard and frozen, it’s very likely that it will remain delightfully cold to the very last bite.

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Robeks Fruit Smoothies & Healthy Eats
2919 Kapiolani Blvd #204
Honolulu, HI 96826

Udon Ramen is a pretty basic place as far as sushi goes. Actually, I think that any Japanese place that offers .99 cent sushi rolls can be considered very basic. Hey, I’m not hating on it. I know some people are sushi snobs, just like some people are wine snobs, but I’m not. I really appreciate .99 cent sushi rolls. It’s not creative or artsy for sushi, but hey, you can’t deny that fish, rice and sushi paper just taste good together no matter how its put together.

Tamago (egg) and unagi (fresh water eel) rolls. .99 cents each.

Ray splurged and got a california maki (crab meat with avocado and cucumber) $4.95.

Shane got the nirigi. Three piece rolls were $2.50.

I know this wasn’t an amazing dinner but I got full off of $2.00 and that’s amazing.

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Udon Ramen
2310 Kuhio Ave
Honolulu, HI 96815

After Indian Bazaar Madras Curry we headed to Buddies to properly end our lunch. I have never been to Buddies but as soon as I read their menu, I knew I was coming back. The owner had to be a major perv, probably a pedophile. That’s probably why he owns an ice cream shop, so he can lure his targets with sweet treats. Smart man.

The inside of Buddies is completely different from the menu. It’s charming and old-fashion.

But the names, oh, the names. Did I mention the owner is a pedophile?

I got “Maybe the bag broke” for $4.55. It was a slice of blueberry cheese cake with blueberries to top. Yum. It was a slice of heaven.

I think I would of named it “Blubber Blue Balls.”

Val got a scoop of Cookies and Cream. It wasn’t like the Cookies and Cream that I’ve grown to be accustomed to with chucks of cookies but rather blended very finely together to give it a consistent creamy taste. It was awesome. I don’t remember how much it cost, but I’m sure it was affordable.

Bubbies is a great place to get succulant back boobs and fupas (fat upper pussy area). I’m a fan of the pornographic names. It’s about time someone finally decided to loosen up their sweet pie hole.

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More Info

Bubbies Homemade Ice Cream and Desserts
1010 University Ave # b4
Honolulu, HI 96826
(808) 949-8984

I’m here to set the story straight once and for all. You see there’s been this crazy rumor going around that the chicks that works at Lanikai Juice are hot and their smoothies aren’t bad either. Well one day after the beach we decided to give the smoothies a try and give our eyes a sweet treat while we were at it. All I have to say is, “Bullshit.” Now, I’m not saying that the girls were ugly, that they are not. It’s just that I have such high expectations. This rumor has been running wild for years now, probably ever since Lanikai Juice opened up and I’m sure that they, at one point and time had some very hot babes working the counter but times have changed. All Ray had to say was, “Baby, Lanikai Juice just isn’t the same anymore.” Anyway, my point is, if your gonna be sexist and only hire females then stick to the protocol and make sure they’re hot other wise stop with all the rumors. It’s just not cool to bite the hand that feeds you, you know what I’m saying.

Anyway, this blog is about food so lets get on with it. As soon as I noticed that they had acai bowls I had to give it a try. You see, ever since I found the acai bowl at the Health Bar my life hasn’t been the same. They have the most amazing bowls but the service is like dealing with I.N.S. (immagration and naturalization services); they take their sweet time and get to you when they feel you waited an adequet amount of time while your left there wondering if your order was misplaced or lost, do they even know I exist . . . yes of course they do, they just don’t care. For some inane reason the hiring manager at the Health Bar thinks that eye candy is a good compensation for the imbeciles that he hires. So, you see, I have this love hate relationship with the Health Bar, love the food, hate the retards. So I’m in search for a replacement. Ray got the Acai Traditional: 16 oz of double acai, bananas, granola, and apple juice for $5.95.

I got the Acai Extravaganza: 16 oz double acai, bananas, berries, granola, and apple juice with coconut shavings to top it off for $6.75.

In my professional opinion, I need to keep on searching. The smoothie was way too runny, the coconuts didn’t mix well with it and service just wasn’t that great to be honest. I prefer my acai bowls with honey so when I notice that honey was no where to be found I went back in and asked for some. I had to go back in the long line just for honey and was even charged for it. They gave me this teeny, tiny half full, 2 oz serving of honey for .50 cents each (I got two). I hate places that nickel and dime you for shit. It’s so not cool. Some things should be free, like honey. Volcano Joes gives it for free. It’s right there, out in the open, you don’t even have to get back in line for it. Star Bucks will even give free honey, you just have to ask the person at the counter, but they paired up with T-Moble to nickel and dime you for internet, which, in my opinion, should also be free. I’m not saying every business should give free internet, but if you offer something, give it. That’s all. It’s not that expensive and you can write it off when you do taxes. End of story.

I don’t think I’ll be coming back, but if you want to check it out for yourself be my guest.

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Lanikai Juice
600 Kailua Rd
Kailua, HI 96734
(808) 262-2383

Formerly known as Catch of the Day, G Sushi will give you a run for your money. If you like Genki Sushi you will probably like G Sushi. Like Genki they place their sushi on a lazy susan and color cordinate their dishes. Yellow plates are $1.39, green plates are $2.19, pink plates are $2.69, etc. Also, if you don’t see anything you want you can order off the menu.

Shane’s turned us on to this deep fried spicy tuna. It’s like a deep fried golden sushi nugget. For $2.69 I’m so sold. I haven’t been able to find anything like it sence. This is the sole reason Shane and I return to this place. Nothing else matters. If you haven’t had it you have no idea.

This dumpling was floating by and I decided to give it a try. I have no idea what it is or called as it was not even on the menu. I ate one before I remembered to take a picture. It looks better than it tastes which confirms that all you need to know about this place is the deep fried spicy tuna is golden, nothing else matters.

I almost forgot to mention, don’t forget to ask for a frequent customer card there. For every $10.00 spent you get a box stamped and a full card means $10.00 off your next meal. I think that’s a pretty sweet deal considering that $10.00 can easily buy me lunch there.

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G Sushi
2919 Kapiolani Blvd # 23
Honolulu, HI 96826
(808) 732-9661

A while back before grocery shopping at Don Quijote I made a quick stop at Fiore Frozen Delight for some refreshing frozen yogurt. I’m a huge fan of shaved ice, so when I saw that they offered their frozen yogurt with shaved ice along with 5 toppings I couldn’t resist. The whole thing cost me $5.97 and was most definitely a waste of my money. It left an after taste in my mouth similar to that of vomit. No, this time I’m not trying to be funny, I’m dead serious. You know those times when you have a little too much to drink and burp up a little throw up and it leaves a sour taste in your mouth, that’s exactly what it tastes like. Not to mention, the ice underneath the yogurt was crunchy and hard. Shaved ice should be soft and fluffy. The toppings were scarce and not very fresh. No other flavored syrup was added to the ice. What’s the point of eating yogurt on top of ice? A lot of bites were just oreos and ice or granola and ice. The dessert just didn’t mix well. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. It could have been a fluke; maybe they didn’t wash their machines out enough or business hasn’t been very good so the yogurt went a little sour? Who knows.

The funny thing is, about a month later before grocery shopping we gave our roommate a call to see if he wanted to meet up for lunch. What can I say, we all just can’t get enough of each other. Anyhow, Shane ends up coming back to the table with, yep, Fiore Naturally Regurgitated Yogurt.

I said, “yuck, you like that nasty shit.”

And he goes, “I’m not really that hungry, I just wanted a snack” and then realize that I said I didn’t like the frozen treat in his hand which comes off really odd, since I have a passion for sweet treats. “What, you don’t like this?”

I explained to him that I thought it tasted like you burped up a little throw up. He takes another taste, pauses, and then goes, “now I can’t eat this, I know exactly what your talking about,” and didn’t take another bite.

Also, take a look at their ad. It just looks like throw up in a glass.

Now I’m not saying everyone will hate this. The guy next to us had some and ate every last bit of it. If your bulimic this will probably have a familiar taste for you, like moms homemade key lime pie right after you sneak away to the restroom and deep throat a coat hanger just to regurgitate it back up. Yum!

Fiore Natural Frozen Yogurt Website Directions

I’m a sugar whore. I will never deny myself of her sweet, sweet love. Actually, if you ask me, sugar is a great substitute for love. In desperate need to get laid? Save yourself an STD and bake yourself a cake instead sweetheart. Go ahead, get kinky, no ones watching. Bust out the whip cream, cherries and nuts. Oh you wild animal you. Alright you sick bastard, that’s enough, back to business. Ted’s Bakery is in North Shore and it’s a winner in my book. I came here after lunch specifically for a slice of cake and that is exactly what I got.

I ordered a haupia cream cake and it was amazing. The cake was moist, and the cream wasn’t too sweet. It was a special kind of goodness in my mouth. A hefty slice cost me around $2.75. Since it was a typical gorgeous day here on the island of Oahu, I chose to enjoy my cake outside. Whoever said, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too,” was stupid.

Ted’s Bakery might specialize in cake, but they also have a full menu as well. I didn’t get to try any of it so I can’t give you my two cents. But I did take a menu home and when It comes to cheap, this place passes right through. Breakfast sandwiches were $3.15 – $4.25. Breakfast plates ranged from $4.50 – $6.50. Hot sandwiches were between $3.50 – $6.25 and plate lunches were $6.35 – $8.75. I’m definitely a fan.

Like I said I ‘m a fan, so it should come to no surprise that I made another trip to Ted’s Bakery.

There’s some nice seating right outside but it was a little wet today so I decided to take my dessert to go and ate it in my car.

Now as soon as I laid my eyes upon it I knew it was destiny.

It’s called Pineapple macadamia nut cheesecake, $3.41, but I would of named it something else, since the base of the cake is carrot cake.

But who gives a shit what it’s called it was magnificent. Carrot cake, cheesecake, pineapple and macadamia nut, what a great orgy of a dessert. The cake was moist, the cheese was creamy and the thin layer of pineapple on top was sweet, however I didn’t see or really taste much of any macadamia nuts.

I have to say the amount they give is perfect, not too much and not too little. Here take a closer look.

Stop licking your monitor, that’s dicussting. There’s directions down below, go get your own.

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Ted’s Bakery
59-024 Kamehameha Hwy
Haleiwa, HI 96712

Get Directions(808) 638-8207

This is my new favorite place to go to in North Shore. It’s called the Grass Skirt. The only thing that they need improvement on is the service, but other than that everything is spectacular. I love the ambiance, decor, location and, most importantly, the food.

The Grass Skirt is a petite yet inviting place. The walls are polished with a chic, stylish, Hawaiian attitude. The menu is printed on a surf board and hung from the ceiling. We ordered, paid, then grabbed a table and waited. There’s a few tables inside, chairs next to a counter and more tables set up outside as well.

I ordered the BBQ Pulled Pork. I ordered this plate the last time I was here and I don’t usually order the same thing twice, but Oh My God. I do make exceptions when the food was really, really cheap or really really good. In this case the food was really, really a gift from the Heavens above. The BBQ Pulled Pork is roasted and shredded mixed with a sweet and spicy BBQ sauce. It was $8.95. They were generous with their portions so $8.95 is totally worth it. I ended up taking half of this home.

This is the Grilled Ahi. It’s an 8 oz Ahi fillet grilled and topped with basil and lemon butter for $10.95. Not only do they give heaping portions, but you gotta admit the presentation is flawless, especially for being served on a paper plate. Ray has a healthy appetite and he was only able to eat 2/3 of his plate. We left the rest because he’s not a fan of left overs and I’m not a fan of left over seafood.

Shane couldn’t decide so he got two things. This Hot Dog was 1/4 lbs and cost $2.95. They split the weinner in half, grilled it and squeezed ketchep and mustard in the middle. I’ve never seen it serve this way and thought it was kinda different and cool. I asked him if it was better than Costco’s Hot Dog. The look on his face said, “by far.” Sorry Costco but there’s a new dog in town.

In addition to his hot dog Shane also got a Pulled Pork Sandwich. It was served with lettuce, tomato and onions for $6.95. Shane ate everything and we left totally blissed out of our minds. What a great find.

My only complaint was that there was no dessert on the menu.

Since this last post Grass Skirt Grill has become one of my favorite spots to visit. My little sister came over on vacation a couple weeks ago and of course I had to take her here.

Here she is, doesn’t she look excited to eat!

My sister, Selena, is one of those extremely picky and healthy eaters. It’s almost to the point where going out to eat could be a bit of a nuisance because she always orders everything on the side, and substitutes this for that and did I mention she makes her own lemonade at the table, not because she’s cheap, but because she prefers the fake sugar at the table and not the real stuff. Anyway, we decided to share the Grilled Fish Salad, $12.95. Selena orders the dressing on the side just in case she doesn’t like it. When she goes to the counter to pick up our salad it was covered in papaya dressing. Selena goes, “oh, I ordered the dressing on the side.” And the stupid bitch behind the counter goes, “oh, well, there’s not much of it, you’ll be alright.” Selena comes back to the table upset and disappointed.

Now does this look like a little dressing to anyone? There’s a pool of it gathering at the bottom of our plate. Now, it really didn’t bother me, since I know I like the dressing, and it turns out Selena did too, but had it been me that picked up the salad and that bitch would of said that to me I would of said, “well, I’m allergic to papaya dressing so I won’t be o.k. Will you guys be o.k. with a lawsuit on your hands?” Point is, it’s not cool to be talked down to, especially when your a loyal customer. Wow, this place really sucks bad when it comes to customer service. All I know is that next time I make it out this far to get some food, it wont be at the Grass Skirt Grill. But just to be completely honest, the salad was really good.

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Grass Skirt Grill
66-214 Kamehameha Hwy
Haleiwa, HI 96712

Get Directions(808) 637-4852

Word on the street is that Genki Sushi in Japan is the equivalent to a McDonalds in America. It’s fast food that’s cheap. If you ask me, anything is better than McDonalds, but lets compare for shits and grits. Genki Sushi will kick that clown in the ass when it comes to speed. There’s really no way to be any faster. As soon as you sit that sweet ass of yours down you can start making it fatter, or phat-er (pretty hot and tempting) because sushi is floating ever so gracefully on a boat, or plate, just waiting for the opportunity for someone to turn it into a fob, aka, F.O.B. fresh off the boat. Hey, everyone loves a Fob, that’s why I’m so popular. If there’s something that you want and it’s not floating by, you can order it. That’s right, real live fobs walking around, ready to take orders in exchange for American citizenship. Also, the plates are color coordinated for all those retards out there. Gold plates are $1.40, green plates are $2.00, red plates are $2.60, etc. Hey, if your a cheap ass stay away from the silver and black plates, they’re $3.75 and $4.60.

Gold plate $1.40

Red plate $2.60

Red plate? That’s right, $2.60. Good job Mr. Retard.

Click below for directions.

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Genki Sushi
885 Kapahulu Ave.
Honolulu, HI
(808) 735-7700

If you haven’t tried a Malasada yet you haven’t experienced Hawaii. Actually, that’s a lie. Word on the street is that malasadas are actually a Portuguese tradition. If you like crispy cream donuts you’ll love malasadas. It’s like a donut, but it’s not missing the hole, so I didn’t feel cheated since the center was there. Also it’s made when you order them so you always get them hot out of the fryer and rolled in granulated sugar. They can be order filled with cream. My favorite is the haupia cream, which is a coconut flavored cream and is heaven in your mouth.

Malasadas run about .80 cents for one. They are large so I think one ought to be plenty. If you get two you’ll feel like a fat lard afterwards and if you get three, you probably are a fat lard.

Now as for the service, well I was told not to say anything mean about this place otherwise I’d probably have hit out on me by the Hawaiian mafia, since the place is well known around town and by the locals. However, this is my blog and I’m just keeping it real so if I happen to stop writing, I want to thank all my fans and stockers for all your support.

Have you ever noticed how donut shops never have donuts covered in powdered sugar. I never understood this. There’s glazed donuts, sprinkled donuts, granulated sugar donuts, etc. But never ever powdered sugar donuts. A hot hupia cream filled malasada covered in powdered sugar sounded heavenly to me so I did what I always do when I want something, ask for it.

“Can I please have a haupia cream filled malasada, but rolled in powdered sugar instead,” I said.

Grandma goes,”We don’t have powdered sugar,”

“That’s not powdered sugar on top of that eclair right there?,” I said.

Grandma goes, “They’re for the eclair.”

First off, grandma’s a lier, and she wasn’t too slick about it. Second of all, is it really that hard to sprinkle some freaking powdered sugar on a donut ball and make a young girl’s sugar dreams come true? I think not.

Whatever, it was still heavenly, just without God. For the website and directions click below.

Leonards Malasadas Website and Directions to Leonards

If you don’t have a Costoc card I highly recommend getting one or find a friend that has one. I don’t know if I would be the person I am today if I had not had a Costco in my life. Costco has a ridiculous return policy, which I do admit I use to my advantage quite often. They give out free samples of food. Go on the weekend there’s a lot more samples but also a lot more people. Costco also has an amazingly cheap food court. Let’s say your too cheap to purchase a Costco card and you don’t have any friends, have no fear. A friend once told me that special things just seem to happen here. When I saw a food court outside of Costco for the first time I became a believer. I’m from all over California and as a religious member of Costco purchaser of bulk items I have only attended Costcos with courts inside. Now some might think that there’s nothing magical about this, well perhaps not, but special, without a doubt.

Eat Costco’s food without being a member. Don’t worry about the member card thing, they NEVER, ask for it at the food court. At Costco one can get a whole meal for $1.50. Friend, I would not lie to you. I know because that’s exactly what I have done, on several occasions. A hot dog or polish dog and a 16 oz drink for $1.50. These aren’t wimpy limp dogs, but could quite possibly be one of the largest dogs I have ever encountered. Not only that but they’re kosher. Not Jewish, that’s cool, I’m not either. If you like sour kraut you have to ask for it when you order. Hot dogs aren’t very exciting to you? Well, they also have large slices of pizza for $1.99 and and whole 18″ pizza for $9.95. Chicken Bakes for $2.69, but I don’t recommend those. They’re usually over done and has a weird creamy filling. Not a junk food person, no worries, there’s a chicken caesar salad for $3.79. Love sugar, but not the fat, sweet. There’s also berry smoothies, mocha freeze, berry sundae, and nonfat yogurt all between $1.25 – $1.55. As for the fat, think yourself thin or exercise but whatever you do, don’t cut back on the sugar. Don’t ever listen to anyone if they tell you to do that. Actually if anyone ever tells you that you should instantly call the authorities. This person is probably a terrorist or pedophile. Sugar is like love, you need it, everyone needs it. Sugar balances our equilibrium, wakes the sun up in the morning and brings the moon out at night. Enough of it has the power to stop global warming. Without it the world would stop and everyone will die. I’m doing my part; I purchased an ice cream bar. It’s ginormous and only cost me $1.50. It comes rolled in nuts or without.

If you do make a stop by the food court, keep in mind that they only take cash, or American Express. I forgot the one day and had to walk awkwardly walk away, without any food after standing in line for 15 minutes.

If you want directions or more info here’s a link

Costco in Hawaii

If pizza is what you crave I might have found a place for you. Our friend Ona picked us up the other day. We had plans to go to the beach, but our stomachs intervened and we decided to hit up a place to eat first. We were all open to options that were fast, cheap and good. Pizza came to mind so that’s what I suggested and that’s what we went out in search of. Ona’s been on this island for some time now so she knew of a place called Boston’s North End Pizza Bakery that was near by.

Boston’s is a staightforward pizza place. You walk in, order your food at the counter and wait. There’s premade pizza slices laid out behind a glass window or you always have the option of putting in a new order. Along with the typical cheese and peperoni pizzas, they also had the not so typical pizzas like garlic and spinach, or anchovies. The pizza’s were reheated up and served hot. There were a lot of things I liked about this place. For one, they give gigantic slices. Also, if you enjoy herbs like I do, then you’ll love the variety of self serve herbs available to spice your pizza up with. The decor was plain with cheesy Christmas lights that glowed on the wall above. The service was good. I wouldn’t expect anything other than what looked like high school students working at a pizza joint. Pizza slices were around $5.35 depending on what slice you wanted and how many toppings they had. Whole pies were 19″ and 3 lbs. They ranged from around 18 -24 dollars. These are their toppings: pepperoni, black olives, mushrooms, bell peppers, anchovies, sausage, garlic, tomato, broccoli, spinach and onions. Sodas were $1.01 – 22 oz, $1.25 – 32 oz, and $1.76 – pitcher. There’s really not much left to say about this place but what I have already said, It was fast, cheap and good. We ate left and headed to the beach to soak up some sun.

This is a picture of three slices of pizza. They’re ridiculously ginormous. If you want more information, give them a call because that’s all I got for you, (808) 734-1945. They don’t have a website but there’s about 12 in Oahu alone. If you want directions click below.

Directions to Boston’s North End Pizza Bakery

Looking for something other than Asian food? Well I got a place for you. Today Ray and I decided to go grocery shopping. It’s sad but since we arrived here I’ve attempted to cooked once, and it was a crappy breakfast burrito. Even though I’m not all that domesticated, I know I’m better than that, so I went out to redeem myself. Outside of Don Quijote Grocery Store lies a food court. It’s perfect for the hungry shoppers that just can’t wait. Besides, shopping on a hungry stomach only makes your eyes bigger than your stomach which will only cause you to spend more money on food you really don’t need and then you will get fat. That’s not cool. I say, go ahead, explore your options, eat some food. There are a wide array of options here, Korean food, Chinese food, Italian food, a bakery, Japanese, and Greek. I decided on Leo’s Taverna Express Healthy Greek Food. They had lamb gyros for $4.95. Some people aren’t too keen on the idea of eating cute little lambs, and a lot of people just aren’t accustomed with this meat. I love lamb, especially when I eat Indian food. Lamb is very tender and delectable. Unless your a vegetarian, or it’s against your religion I urge you to try it. These gyros were hefty. Large people or people with a large appetite should order two, otherwise there’s really no reason to order more than one. It consists of lamb, lettuce, diced tomatoes and cucumber sauce within a soft warm pita bread. Yum. Yeah, It’s o.k. to order another one, it’s worth the fat, and besides according to Leo, it’s suppose to be healthy. The menu also had other items such as hummus for $4.75, Chicken Wrap for $6.95, and a Greek Salad for $7.25. Enjoy!

Directions to Don Quijote (Don Quijote just bought Daiei Inc)