I’m sure some of you have been to Ono Hawaiian Food so maybe one of you guys could tell me what the hell is really going on here. I mean every time I drive by during peak hours there’s this ridiculous line out the door. My sister came down from Los Angeles not too long ago so when she said she wanted some authentic Hawaiian food I was like, “sweet I know the perfect place, ” so I think. The food has got to be pretty freaking spectacular if people are willing to wait in line out in the rain like it was the morning of black Friday or something.

We got there just before closing and the people that came a few minutes after us were denied entrance enough though the neon sign said open. As you can see from inside the place looks like a small hole in the wall. I felt like I walked right into someones scrapbook. The walls were covered with clutters of pictures, memories, old newspaper clippings, and random scraps that was obviously pieces of someones life but meant diddle lei squat to me.

Service was below average. There’s Hawaiian service with aloha spirit and then there’s island service with an attitude. This was closer to island service. My sister, being a tourist and extremely picky, kept asking questions that are stupid to us but typical for tourist. “What is haupia? What’s laulau? What’s poi? How is it cooked? Do you guys use a lot of oil? Can you steam it?” I just kept telling myself that she’s your sister and a tourist, they don’t know any better but I could tell our waiter’s patience was wearing thin. Finally we decided upon the Combination Plate. Since it was a combo of a few of their signature items and the most expensive item on the menu, $14.75, I was certain that it would be a kick ass meal. The combination plate came with kalua pig and laulau, pipikaula, lomi salmon, haupia and rice.

Looks like a pile of shit.

This is your asshole . . .

This is your asshole on drugs . . . it blows up. Any questions? I think laulau would have been much more effective then that stupid egg commercial they played year after year. Watching them fry it only made me hungry for a loco moco. Now kids don’t judge a book by its cover. Although the laulau here may look like someones asshole on drugs, it tastes real good. So go ahead and toss that salad. I did and I loved it. No really, this was probably the best thing in the combo plate. The meat was really tender with just enough fat for flavor. I think every tourist that comes here should get their hands on some real laulau before they leave so they know what they’re missing out on back in the mainland.

This is the Lomi Salmon. If this dish looks small to you it’s because it is. All the food came in these small sauce dishes. The sad thing is the picture makes it look bigger than it really is. I took a close up so you guys can see what the food actually looks like. Maybe I just didn’t know how to eat it because It seemed like I was just eating salsa. It was bits of salmon and tons of tomatoes.

This is the Kalua Pig. Like the laulau it was tender, moist, and just overall really good. It wasn’t too salty or too greasy.

Along with our meal came some hot sauce. It was brought in the same sauce dishes as everything else so you guys have an idea of how small everything was.

This is the Pipikaula and no I didn’t eat any of it before I took a picture. It only came with two pieces of meat. Pipikaula can mean anything from cold beef jerky to slow smoked ribs. In this case it was cold beef jerky. And that’s exactly what it tasted like, cold jerky or left over scraps of someones food from two weeks ago left in a to go box in the back of a refrigerator for stupid tourists. It was weird to eat beef jerky for dinner, but fuck it. All I’m saying is next time I get invited to a pot luck my ass is bringing a bag of beef jerky. “What, you guys don’t know about beef jerky for dinner, man you guys gotta get out more. Hawaiians do it all the time, it’s tradition.”

And this is sliced onions. I’m not trying to be ignorant but I am clueless. The more I looked at my dinner the more it seemed like left over scraps. Onions for dinner? I don’t get it. Am I suppose to eat it with the laulau? Put hot sauce over it and eat it with the beef jerky? Or maybe, just maybe it’s plan B for a really bad date. “Oh sorry, I would love to kiss you but I just had a dish of raw onions but thanks for dinner and don’t call me I’ll call you.” That has to be it.

And the last of the Combination Plate was the haupia. It was mushy. I’ve had better.

Along with our Combination Plate Selena ordered a side of Kim Chee, $1.80. It was good. I love homemade kim chee.

Selena also ordered a side of Plain Butterfish (Boiled), $5.25. This was the biggest disappointment for my sister. She kept going on and on about how this tasted exactly like moms fish and how mom would go to the grocery store buy a whole fish and make it exactly like this and it cost less than $5.00 and have enough for two days. I have to agree, $5.25 for a few pieces of cheap fish is absurd to me. The fish was good but I will probably never order this again and my mom makes it so much better.

Like I said, I just don’t get it. This place was on my list of places that I had to try just because of the crazy lines that formed out the door. It’s sad but it seems as though every time I go to one of these long ass lines out the door places I end up being hugely disappointed. This place was no different.

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Ono Hawaiian Food
726 Kapahulu Ave
Honolulu, HI
(808) 737-2275

This is my new favorite place to go to in North Shore. It’s called the Grass Skirt. The only thing that they need improvement on is the service, but other than that everything is spectacular. I love the ambiance, decor, location and, most importantly, the food.

The Grass Skirt is a petite yet inviting place. The walls are polished with a chic, stylish, Hawaiian attitude. The menu is printed on a surf board and hung from the ceiling. We ordered, paid, then grabbed a table and waited. There’s a few tables inside, chairs next to a counter and more tables set up outside as well.

I ordered the BBQ Pulled Pork. I ordered this plate the last time I was here and I don’t usually order the same thing twice, but Oh My God. I do make exceptions when the food was really, really cheap or really really good. In this case the food was really, really a gift from the Heavens above. The BBQ Pulled Pork is roasted and shredded mixed with a sweet and spicy BBQ sauce. It was $8.95. They were generous with their portions so $8.95 is totally worth it. I ended up taking half of this home.

This is the Grilled Ahi. It’s an 8 oz Ahi fillet grilled and topped with basil and lemon butter for $10.95. Not only do they give heaping portions, but you gotta admit the presentation is flawless, especially for being served on a paper plate. Ray has a healthy appetite and he was only able to eat 2/3 of his plate. We left the rest because he’s not a fan of left overs and I’m not a fan of left over seafood.

Shane couldn’t decide so he got two things. This Hot Dog was 1/4 lbs and cost $2.95. They split the weinner in half, grilled it and squeezed ketchep and mustard in the middle. I’ve never seen it serve this way and thought it was kinda different and cool. I asked him if it was better than Costco’s Hot Dog. The look on his face said, “by far.” Sorry Costco but there’s a new dog in town.

In addition to his hot dog Shane also got a Pulled Pork Sandwich. It was served with lettuce, tomato and onions for $6.95. Shane ate everything and we left totally blissed out of our minds. What a great find.

My only complaint was that there was no dessert on the menu.

Since this last post Grass Skirt Grill has become one of my favorite spots to visit. My little sister came over on vacation a couple weeks ago and of course I had to take her here.

Here she is, doesn’t she look excited to eat!

My sister, Selena, is one of those extremely picky and healthy eaters. It’s almost to the point where going out to eat could be a bit of a nuisance because she always orders everything on the side, and substitutes this for that and did I mention she makes her own lemonade at the table, not because she’s cheap, but because she prefers the fake sugar at the table and not the real stuff. Anyway, we decided to share the Grilled Fish Salad, $12.95. Selena orders the dressing on the side just in case she doesn’t like it. When she goes to the counter to pick up our salad it was covered in papaya dressing. Selena goes, “oh, I ordered the dressing on the side.” And the stupid bitch behind the counter goes, “oh, well, there’s not much of it, you’ll be alright.” Selena comes back to the table upset and disappointed.

Now does this look like a little dressing to anyone? There’s a pool of it gathering at the bottom of our plate. Now, it really didn’t bother me, since I know I like the dressing, and it turns out Selena did too, but had it been me that picked up the salad and that bitch would of said that to me I would of said, “well, I’m allergic to papaya dressing so I won’t be o.k. Will you guys be o.k. with a lawsuit on your hands?” Point is, it’s not cool to be talked down to, especially when your a loyal customer. Wow, this place really sucks bad when it comes to customer service. All I know is that next time I make it out this far to get some food, it wont be at the Grass Skirt Grill. But just to be completely honest, the salad was really good.

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Grass Skirt Grill
66-214 Kamehameha Hwy
Haleiwa, HI 96712

Get Directions(808) 637-4852