After our usual morning swim, we cruised the streets of Kailua for some serious grub. I’m not picky, my rule of thumb is as long as I’ve never been before, I’m down for the cause, the hunger cause that is. None of us really had much of an opinion, so after no debate we ended up at New Chinese Garden Restaurant.

I wouldn’t expect anything less than red and golden colors at a Chinese restaurant.

Ray likes noodles so when I saw Shanghai Noodles, a noodle dish that I wasn’t familiar with I had no choice but to find out. First I asked the waitress what the Shanghai noodles were like. There was an obvious language barrier there so she held out her pen and said, “big, big.” Alright, I’m assuming that Shanghai noodles are round and as thick as her pen. Sweet, sounds good, we’ll take one of those. It cost $5.75 and came with cabbage, fungus, and really small pieces of pork. We didn’t realize it came with meat until halfway through the plate since the pork pieces were so small. We weren’t expecting any meat so I guess some is better than none. The noodles were a little mushy and it just tasted like everything was slapped together, microwaved, and brought out for our consumption and their profit.

I picked Combination Seafood with Mixed Vegetables on a Sizzling Platter, $8.50. Again, this dish was yet another disappointment. It didn’t taste old, but rather like it was made with no effort or care whatsoever. I mean, really, does this look like a sizzling platter to anyone? No sizzle at all. It was extremely dry for a Chinese dish, no gravy to be found, not even when we cleared the plate was there gravy.

Of course Chinese food just wouldn’t be the same without steamed white rice, .90 cents. These days Ray and I manage to share one bowl.

Overall I was not impressed with this place. Needless to say, I’m not coming back. Now, I don’t want to give off the impression that I had a horrible experience here. I was just disappointed. There’s far too many better places I have been and still yet to go.

View Larger Map

New Chinese Garden Restaurant
426 Uluniu Street
Kailua, HI
(808) 261-9345

Do you like Mexican? Of course you do. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like Mexican except my mother, who says Mexican food smells like dirty armpit. Well she’s traditional and little ignorant when it comes to food that’s not Chinese or Vietnamese. I love Mexican so much I decided to marry one, well he’s a half bred, but good enough. My friend Shane would give his left nut just for the opportunity to smuggle illegal Mexican grandmas over the border and then fly them over the Pacific Ocean just so he can have real traditional Mexican food. If he had his way he would force them to give up secret family recipes that had been passed down from generation to generation and cook them everyday while wearing a sombrero just for the dramatic effect. On the weekends he would make them sell chick-le to the tourist just so he could afford to keep them around while he rides their donkey down Lanikai Beach. He’s a sick sick man that Shane. Anyhow, no worries I’ve found a place that is no Mexican grandma substitute but it’s good enough. Cha Cha Cha Salsaria has a fun, cool vibe. There’s both inside and outside with a great view and the food is really good.

Now, I know most people aren’t sugar whores like me, but for all my sugar whore sisters and brothers out there I need you to shut up and listen to me very carefully because this is very important. When the waiter comes over say,”yes, I’m fine thank you, I just need a minute to go over the menu but I would like to start off with an order of deep fried ice cream. Spank you very much.” Order the fried ice cream not after, but before your meal. Actually, if your a true sugar whore you should be doing this every time you dine out. Stay true to yourself. If you order it after your meal you may run into the chance of not having any room for it. When the fried ice cream came to me I was mesmerized and devoured it before I had a chance to take a photo worthy enough to give it any justice.

This is a picture of the fried ice cream after I had already started eating it. It was so freaking, worth every cute adorable dimple on my ass, delicious. Quite possibly the best deep fried ice cream I have ever had. From my experience, most places make it with corn flakes, which, don’t get me wrong, is still very tasty, but not really Mexican. Actually corn flakes were developed by Will Keith Kellogg, an American from Battle Creek Michigan in 1894. His brother John Harvey Kellogg was a doctor who opposed of all forms of sex, even masturbation and thought it led to disease. Like I said, not really Mexican but I’m sure he had a lot of Mexican workers, like gardeners, dish washers, cooks. As a matter of fact, I think it’s possible that Mr. Kellogg and Shane are related.

They start every meal off with chips as vibrant as the server’s energy and salsa. The chips were the thin kind, which I’m not a huge fan of, but it was pretty to look at and the salsa tasted like the roasted kind that has the same lumpy consistency throughout. I prefer my salsa chunky but hey these were free so I’m not complaining.

This is a picture of Fresh Fish of the day & Veggies Burrito for $8.95. This dish comes with cole slaw. I suggest ordering it with the queso sauce as you can see in the picture. This is a must because it’s just not the same without it. The burrito looked so good that I forgot to take a picture of it until after half way through. As for the cole slaw, it had a little too much pepper for my liking.

I also ordered a pork chimichanga. It was not possible to take a picture of it because it was eaten. No worries, the chimichanga was not a winner. It got an A for effort and presentation but a F for Fucking too salty. Also, the service was fabulous. Anyways, if you want to give it a try directions are below.

On a second trip to Cha Cha Cha Salsaria Ray and shared the combo plate. It cost right around $13.00 and came with two chicken and cheese enchaladas, a chicken soft taco, rice and beans.

I think they could of been a little more generous with the rice and beans and what’s up with the three pieces of shredded lettuce on the side. I mean, if your gonna be that stingy, why even bother? I’m the type that actually uses the shredded lettuce by sprinkling it over all of my food so this was a bit disappointing for me.

Here’s our soft chicken taco. I appologize for the fuzzy picture, but it started to rain and I wanted to eat. Overall everything was really tasty. Since Ray and I shared this plate it was worth it, but spending 13 or 14 dollars on just one person for this meal I don’t think is. I do want to add however that this place has amazing service so if you do come here remember to tip well.

View Larger Map

Cha Cha Cha Salsaria
377 Keahole St
Honolulu, HI 96825

Get Directions(808) 395-7797