As most of you know I love love love acai bowls. I’ve never heard of them until my arrival to Hawaii and then my life has never been the same. Even though I have been exposed to these precious bowls for only a year I can say with absolute certainty that I am an expert at the art of making acai bowls. I’ve attempted to make them a few times and every-time they come out crap, but nonetheless I stand by my claim as an expert in the art of acai bowls. Here let me explain. Being the cheap ass that I am I bought a cheap ass blender and now all my smoothies, shakes, etc come out looking like clumps of mushy shit. However, I’ve watched the process of making the bowl enough times to know exactly how it should be made. The key is frozen fruit. If you add fresh, soft fruit the stuff will come out runny and mushy. Frozen fruit acts as ice, giving it a thick blended consistency and also adds the obvious vitamins and nutrition. Blend two packet of acai, frozen fruit, and I prefer soy milk but juice works just as nicely. Granola should be added to the bottom of the bowl, as well as on top. Top it off with slices of fruit and them drizzle it with honey. There you have it, the recipe to a spectacular bowl. Now if you don’t want to go through all the trouble buy one. In my opinion there’s a few places that put out top notch bowls on the island.

As you can see, a not a lot of commotion going on here. It doesn’t give off the same island vibe as the Health Bar, but it’s still really cute.

What is it about smoothie places that also sell jewelery. At first I thought it was called Jewel or Juice because I thought that they have the tapioca drinks and a lot of times the tapioca is called pearl so I just assumed that jewel was referring to the tapioca pearls. No, I was wrong, they sell jewelery, there’s no tapioca pearls to be found here.

This is the Warrior Bowl, $7.50. It’s 24oz of acai, acerola, banana and soymilk and topped with bananas, berries, kiwi, bee pollen, honey and organic granola. As you can see, presentation is there. Just looking at this photo makes me want to stop what I’m doing, hop in my car and go get one now. The fruit was cut super thin, however, I think this is smart on their part because it gives off the illusion of more fruit and besides all you need is a nice balance of a little fruit with each bite. The only way they could of made this better is to add granola at the bottom of the bowl, like the Health Bar does. After I was done indulging in the first half I was left with just acai smoothie, not that acai smoothie is so bad alone, it just looks so lonely by itself.

I think one bowl is perfect for two. Which is what Ray an I do. This is the Deluxe Acai Bowl, 24oz. for $7.25. It’s acai, strawberry, banana and apple juice and then topped with banana, fresh berries, goji berries, honey and organic granola. Since I have found this place I can’t stop myself. Every morning I’m like, “ooh baby, you want to go get a bowl?”

Anyhow, I’ve been here enough to learn some new trips to make the bowl even better. First buy an extra bag of granola, $1.00. I took a picture to show you that a small bag for a dollar is not so small. Also I like getting the extra bag because I can add the granola when I’m ready for more. At the Health Bar extra granola also cost one dollar but it’s only a scoop which comes out to about 1/4 of what you see here. Also, I ask for more honey and this is only when I’m out of the free honey packets that I stole from Star Bucks. They charge .30 cents and put it on the side. Health Bar charges .50 and add it in. I keep comparing this place to the Health Bar, not to bash it. I like the Health Bar. I keep comparing the two because I think they put out top notch bowls as well, but going there can be a bit of a pain in my ass. Jewel or Juice has cheaper bowls, cheaper granola, cheaper honey and faster service. Health Bar has more expensive everything but cuter girls working as slow as their brain cells will allow, which doesn’t sound so bad depending on what mood your in.

I almost forgot to mention, another great thing about this place is that they have acai bowl cards. So if you buy 10 bowls the 11th one is free. I love places that reward loyal customs.

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Jewel or Juice
3619 Waialae Avenue
Honolulu, HI 96816

Get Directions(808) 734-1700

You know, every so often when the moon is full, the stars are bright and all the planets are perfectly align I feel like being treated to a nice dinner. I had never heard of Tanaka of Tokyo before. Shane said it was like a Benihana’s in the sense that it’s totally table side service and all the food is prepared right there in front of you.

Luckily Ray was smart enough to make reservations. There was a small wait when we got there and then we were escorted to the inner cavity of the restaurant where I all the action went down. It was like we went straight to an underground gambling casino. The place was dark with not a lot of decor on the walls just a bunch of Asians sitting around a large round table, waiting to be dealt out some serious food. The chef puts on a show deals out the food and then, next round of food, deals it out and so on. There were lots of Asians, and commotion going on. Yeah, like I said, It definitely felt like we just stepped into a secret underground casino. How exciting is that.

Everyone is started off with a salad. I suggest you ask for the dressing on the side. No dressing is better than whatever it is that they are using. Even I, the salad whore, could not eat this, pat-tuey. I also ordered a tropical drink, to the right of my salad. It comes with the glass but no worries, a clean one is given to you at the end of the meal so you don’t have to take home a dirty one. Cheers!

This was our chef. Since this was table side service putting on a big show and making your guest laugh is key.

The food, the food, the food is on fire, we don’t give a fuck let the mother fucker burn, burn . . . Just having a little fun.

I don’t remembered exactly what we ordered but I can tell you it was two combination seafood deals at about $40.00-$50.00 each. So this is how it went down, were sat at a round table with strangers. You can make nice with them or ignore them, either way, your sitting with them. We threw everyone a smile and nodded to let them know we were friendly but for the most part we ignored them and they ignored us, this is probably due to the fact that we don’t speak Japanese and like all Japanese they pretend not to speak English. Waiter comes by to takes everyone’s order. Since I’m so use to sharing I was like, “we’ll order this now and if were still hungry we’ll get more later. ” “Uh, yeah, it’s not sushi honey, you have to order everything now,” Ray informs me. He was right, you have to order everything at once, the chef then is given the list and collects all his raw materials in the back, brings it to the table, then kindly introduces himself. When the chef returns everybody shuts the fuck up because we know at places like this it’s more about the show than it is about the food.

Everyone must of ordered the same damn thing because everything our master teppan-yaki chef prepared was dealt out to everyone. He better not be giving our food to everybody else, and if he is he better give us some of their food because sharing is caring bitches. I don’t care if you have a chef knife in your hand I will Shang-hi your ass.

At the end of the meal we were given a choice of green tea, vanilla or chocolate ice-cream to choose from. I got green tea and my honey got vanilla. The green tea was definitely better than the vanilla but my honey begged to differ, which was fine because I didn’t want to share any of it. Overall I am quite pleased with my experience here. The chef was skillful at presenting the food with great flair. Sometimes it’s wise to throw the cheap card out the door.

I forgot to mention that at the beginning of dinner a photographer comes over to the table and takes group photos of everyone. “What the fuck, I’m role playing here and I don’t want evidence of me up in a secret underground casino you dumb fuck, what do you think this is Disney Land? Fuck off,” I gave the photographer my best poker face and kindly took the photo anyway. At the end of dinner he comes back and distributes the freshly developed photos to each group. As he handed me our photo I did what any respected cheap ass would of done if they were in my shoes, I whipped out my camera with a quickness and with the skill of a nimble ninja took a photo of a photo. That’s right bitches, I still had my cheap card the whole time.

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Tanaka of Tokyo
131 Kaiulani Ave
Honolulu, HI 96815

Get Directions(808) 922-4233

So my friends and I got to talking about those places to eat that have ridiculous service. Not ridiculously good but ridiculously outright in your face sassy service. We exchanged horror stories. I brought up a place called Green Door in China Town. I haven’t written about it because at the time I didn’t have a food blog but this lady was so crazy. She was definitely in a world where customer service didn’t exist. She got to us when she felt like it, straight up ignored us when we asked for something and even suggested we go else where. And then when we ordered she told us that that wasn’t what we wanted and she totally picked us out something without even confirming it with us. Crazy right? It’s straight comedy and I love it. Now, not every place could pull off service like this but those who can and still do well must have something impressive to put out on the table. My friend was like we have to go to this place called eight and a half. She said that this guy is like a soup nazi. He’ll serve food by throwing it at you, has no problem kicking people out and has a very extreme mannerism about himself. Anyhow, is wife is suppose to be super sweet and his kid is supposely some musical protege. After our conversation I had to experience soup nazi service for myself.

Once inside you could tell the owners had a love and passion for music. The place was a mix of earthy meets jazzy, a very nice mix.

We started off with some bread, free of course. I think it was the owners wife that served us. She seemed very pleasant, sweet and obedient. The owner was conversing with the table next to us. Is it crazy that I was disappointed that I didn’t get the brusque service I was so looking forward to. Ah, oh well, let’s eat.

This was my friends order, Ratiatore Verde, kiawe grilled steak on zucchini pesto pasta, $13.00. She gets this dish every time she comes. I got a chance to try it and I could see why. Very tasty.

This was my pick, Stufato Di Manzo, Italian Beef Stew with rice or mashed potatoes, $12.00. It kinda looks like cow diarrhea doesn’t it. Well despite it’s looks it was very tasty. I didn’t pick mash potatoes it just came with it. I actually was hoping for rice instead. The dish had great flavor but was very fatty. I know some fat is necessary for flavor but this was slightly overboard. Since I have no class I didn’t mind spitting out the fat on to a napkin. My ba-dunk-ka-dunk butt has enough junk in the trunk, no need for more.

My other girlfriend got the Pollo In Potacchio, chicken in wine, tomato sauce and herbs with rice or mash potatoes, $12.00. She was very happy with her dish and said it reminded her of some hearty southern food with mash potatoes. Of course I got to try it and it was exactly as she has described it, hearty souther Italian.

This was the extent of the abrupt service I was looking forward to. I’m gonna have to agree with it. It doesn’t surprise me that the owner is a San Francisco native. Anyhow, come on down to this place. I can’t guarantee that you’ll get spectacular bad service, but you will get delightfully simple Italian cuisine at a not very bad price.

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Cafe VIII 1/2
1067 Alakea St
Honolulu, HI 96813

Get Directions(808) 524-4064