While looking for parking at Kahala Mall I notice The Patisserie. Oh, my is that a bakery I see? A new day a new bakery I say. We already had our minds made up to dine at California Pizza Kitchen but I already had my mind made up that my dessert would be consumed here.

The Pattisserie is an unpretencious and clean bakery that also offers breakfast, sandwiches, salads, soup and of course, baked goods.

They have a nice selection of small pastries to choose from.

And cake as well.

I should warn you that hanging out with me is contagious and soon you will catch the sugar whore syndrome. It’s probably best that we keep our relationship on an internet relation basis only. Just moments after devouring a shitty excuse of a souffle at California Pizza Kitchen, Shane orders a cheese cake. That’s a dessert slut if I ever saw one.

Ray has this thing with apples in his dessert. Nothing wrong with that. I suppose it would make having dessert a little less sinful. He ordered a slice of Apple Pie.

This is my pick. I’m not sure what the exact name is. There was a solid thin layer of frosting on top that slightly cracked each time it was broken into. It was sweet like the cheap frosting you’d buy at a grocery store but since it was of a different texture and thin I found myself looking forward to it with each bite. The four walls of the cake was dry from being exposed too long.

Everything cost about $2.00 each. In my professional opinion this place was just mediocre. The cheese cake tasted like cheese cake, apple pie tasted like apple pie from a diner and my cake looked better than it tasted. I’m sure it would of been amazing fresh, but it wasn’t which is understandable for display purposes. Also, I just have high expectations when it comes to anything dessert.

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The Pattisserie
4211 Waialae Ave.
Honolulu, HI 96816
(808) 735-4402

After the disappointing creme brulee at the Garlic Restaurant we decided to have dessert elsewhere. I remembered a few days before Ray and I had this awesome little chocolate cake at the new Coffee Bean inside the Food Pantry and Sara’s been meaning to try this Red Forest Cupcake they have so everyone was sold on the idea. For those of you that don’t know, the Coffee Bean is the newest addition to Food Pantry down in Waikiki. In my opinion it was a great idea. The Food Pantry was looking a little old and outdated but now that the coffee bean is there it looks a little more fresh and welcoming. There’s one table outside and a few inside.

One reason I love coffee shops so much is because they always seem to have the best varieties of pastries at a very affordable price.

Here it is, the awesome little Hostess Cupcake Ding Dong knock off,$2.29. It’s like finding a Nike shoe knock off in a small shop in China and realizing that you like the knock offs better because they have a certain graphic design and comfort you won’t find from the original. This cake was delicious, so much better than the original in looks and taste. It had a thick fudge-like skin sheltering a soft chocolate cake that covered a sweet creme core. Yum!

Here’s a picture of an original hostess cupcake ding dong so you can compare for shits and grits.

Sara’s little Red Forest Cupcake, $1.99 and not worth it even if it was given to us for free. This was the driest cupcake ever. Sara was so disappointed. She’s had her eye on this cake for a while now, eye-fucking the hell out of it every time she walks by, and now that she’s finally had a taste she couldn’t have been more let down. Seriously, don’t be fooled by its looks, this cupcake was dry like Oprah’s pussy. Sara started eating it and the top just fell right off.

This is Sara’s way of saying, “Fuck you Red Forest Cupcake, you suck donkey dick!”

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Brownie, $1.99. Shane was happy with his pick.

I ordered the most adorable carrot cake I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. I just have to say, I love pastries like this, where I can have my cake and eat it too. I don’t want to buy a gigantic whole cake that I probably can’t even fit into my refrigerator, so I’ll have to leave it out only to find a trail of ants next morning, carrying pieces of it back home.

This was good, no more no less. I ate half of it only to find that I really didn’t like it by the time I reached the second half so I stopped eating it. I definitely wasn’t fresh because it was a little dry, but not as dry as the red donkey dick cupcake. I’m sure if it had been fresh I would of loved it.

That’s it folks. Besides a few mocha’s and lattes we had a great time winding down at the Coffee Bean.

So I can’t get enough of this place. Here we have a picture of the Pumpkin Crunch, $2.19. It was tasty, but I think they should rename this pumpkin treat because there was no crunch whatsoever. The bottom was chewy, and perhaps it was once crunchy but got soggy and chewy from the moisture of the pumpkin filling. And if that’s the case, well then it just leads customers to believe that they had just purchased an old dessert. If it’s not the case, well then having the word “crunch” in the dessert is misleading and customers will think that they have just been deceived. Either way, not very good. I suggest Pumpkin Dream. But like I said, it was tasty, I was just a bit disappointed because there was no crunch to be had.

On a separate day, I came home from work realizing that I still haven’t had dinner. It was late, I was tired and the only thing that sounded good was some dessert. Ray and I walked over to The Coffee Bean and purchased this little Coconut Bunt Cake, $3.29. It was a plain white cake, with white frosting and coconut shavings all around.

It was good, but I was bored with it by the time I got half way through. It was yummy, but nothing special.

This time I came home from a horrible night at work. Oh, work, it’s like this love hate relationship I have with you. But, I have to say I hate you more than I love you, sorry. I was venting out my night to Ray when he decided it was time to go get some sugar. How is it that food, in my case, dessert, can completely transform people. Is this what it’s like to be bipolar? As soon as I stabbed my fork into this Chocolate Indulgence, $3.29, laid it upon my tongue to compressed it up to the roof of my mouth and smear it all around I felt whole again. Chocolate Indulgence, you complete me.

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The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf
2370 Kuhio Ave.
Honolulu, HI 96815
(808) 923-9831

If you live on Oahu and your into pastries, desserts, ice cream or anything sweet, then this food review site should be perfect for you. If there’s one thing you’ll see a lot of in here it’s sugar. I’m sure you all think I’m some obese stubby Asian but I’m not, I just think like one.

So Ray and I are driving by and I’m like, “Stop! Lets get some cake.” Ray slammed on the brakes, did a quick u-turn, and hauled the car into park. What I liked best about this place is that they sell cake by the slice. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into a bakery to see a beautiful work of art teasing me. Its torture when all I want is to take my eye candy to the next level, only to find that I have to buy the whole freaking cake to do so. Aaaggghhh!!! Well not at Mary Catherines. I don’t know her, but she knows me, if you know what I mean. She understands me. I got this slice of strawberry short cake for $2.50. I have to say, probably the best $2.50 I’ve ever spent. The cake was soft and moist, the strawberries inside were sweet and the cream was whipped, and not the super sweet cake frosting that are on most cakes you get from a grocery store. Now, if you have more mouths to feed and you feel like doing a good deed get a whole 6″ for $12.00 or a 12″ for $22.00. That’s probably cheaper than a whole cake ordered form a grocery store and undoubtedly better.

Not into strawberry short cake, have no fear, variety’s here.

There’s no seating inside as it’s really small and a little cramped but there’s plenty of seating outside.

This is one of my new favorite finds. In my professional opinion, people don’t consume enough cake these days. Really, when was the last time you had cake. And I don’t mean during birthdays or weddings. I suggest you go here one day on a whim, order a whole 6″ cake and have them write on top, ” Because I love you,” bring it home and surprise someone you love.

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Mary Catherines Bakery & Cakes
2820 King Street
Honolulu, HI 96826
(808) 946-4333