Word on the street is that Genki Sushi in Japan is the equivalent to a McDonalds in America. It’s fast food that’s cheap. If you ask me, anything is better than McDonalds, but lets compare for shits and grits. Genki Sushi will kick that clown in the ass when it comes to speed. There’s really no way to be any faster. As soon as you sit that sweet ass of yours down you can start making it fatter, or phat-er (pretty hot and tempting) because sushi is floating ever so gracefully on a boat, or plate, just waiting for the opportunity for someone to turn it into a fob, aka, F.O.B. fresh off the boat. Hey, everyone loves a Fob, that’s why I’m so popular. If there’s something that you want and it’s not floating by, you can order it. That’s right, real live fobs walking around, ready to take orders in exchange for American citizenship. Also, the plates are color coordinated for all those retards out there. Gold plates are $1.40, green plates are $2.00, red plates are $2.60, etc. Hey, if your a cheap ass stay away from the silver and black plates, they’re $3.75 and $4.60.

Gold plate $1.40

Red plate $2.60

Red plate? That’s right, $2.60. Good job Mr. Retard.

Click below for directions.

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Genki Sushi
885 Kapahulu Ave.
Honolulu, HI
(808) 735-7700

Do you like Mexican? Of course you do. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like Mexican except my mother, who says Mexican food smells like dirty armpit. Well she’s traditional and little ignorant when it comes to food that’s not Chinese or Vietnamese. I love Mexican so much I decided to marry one, well he’s a half bred, but good enough. My friend Shane would give his left nut just for the opportunity to smuggle illegal Mexican grandmas over the border and then fly them over the Pacific Ocean just so he can have real traditional Mexican food. If he had his way he would force them to give up secret family recipes that had been passed down from generation to generation and cook them everyday while wearing a sombrero just for the dramatic effect. On the weekends he would make them sell chick-le to the tourist just so he could afford to keep them around while he rides their donkey down Lanikai Beach. He’s a sick sick man that Shane. Anyhow, no worries I’ve found a place that is no Mexican grandma substitute but it’s good enough. Cha Cha Cha Salsaria has a fun, cool vibe. There’s both inside and outside with a great view and the food is really good.

Now, I know most people aren’t sugar whores like me, but for all my sugar whore sisters and brothers out there I need you to shut up and listen to me very carefully because this is very important. When the waiter comes over say,”yes, I’m fine thank you, I just need a minute to go over the menu but I would like to start off with an order of deep fried ice cream. Spank you very much.” Order the fried ice cream not after, but before your meal. Actually, if your a true sugar whore you should be doing this every time you dine out. Stay true to yourself. If you order it after your meal you may run into the chance of not having any room for it. When the fried ice cream came to me I was mesmerized and devoured it before I had a chance to take a photo worthy enough to give it any justice.

This is a picture of the fried ice cream after I had already started eating it. It was so freaking, worth every cute adorable dimple on my ass, delicious. Quite possibly the best deep fried ice cream I have ever had. From my experience, most places make it with corn flakes, which, don’t get me wrong, is still very tasty, but not really Mexican. Actually corn flakes were developed by Will Keith Kellogg, an American from Battle Creek Michigan in 1894. His brother John Harvey Kellogg was a doctor who opposed of all forms of sex, even masturbation and thought it led to disease. Like I said, not really Mexican but I’m sure he had a lot of Mexican workers, like gardeners, dish washers, cooks. As a matter of fact, I think it’s possible that Mr. Kellogg and Shane are related.

They start every meal off with chips as vibrant as the server’s energy and salsa. The chips were the thin kind, which I’m not a huge fan of, but it was pretty to look at and the salsa tasted like the roasted kind that has the same lumpy consistency throughout. I prefer my salsa chunky but hey these were free so I’m not complaining.

This is a picture of Fresh Fish of the day & Veggies Burrito for $8.95. This dish comes with cole slaw. I suggest ordering it with the queso sauce as you can see in the picture. This is a must because it’s just not the same without it. The burrito looked so good that I forgot to take a picture of it until after half way through. As for the cole slaw, it had a little too much pepper for my liking.

I also ordered a pork chimichanga. It was not possible to take a picture of it because it was eaten. No worries, the chimichanga was not a winner. It got an A for effort and presentation but a F for Fucking too salty. Also, the service was fabulous. Anyways, if you want to give it a try directions are below.

On a second trip to Cha Cha Cha Salsaria Ray and shared the combo plate. It cost right around $13.00 and came with two chicken and cheese enchaladas, a chicken soft taco, rice and beans.

I think they could of been a little more generous with the rice and beans and what’s up with the three pieces of shredded lettuce on the side. I mean, if your gonna be that stingy, why even bother? I’m the type that actually uses the shredded lettuce by sprinkling it over all of my food so this was a bit disappointing for me.

Here’s our soft chicken taco. I appologize for the fuzzy picture, but it started to rain and I wanted to eat. Overall everything was really tasty. Since Ray and I shared this plate it was worth it, but spending 13 or 14 dollars on just one person for this meal I don’t think is. I do want to add however that this place has amazing service so if you do come here remember to tip well.

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Cha Cha Cha Salsaria
377 Keahole St
Honolulu, HI 96825

Get Directions(808) 395-7797

O.k this is for all you skinny cows, I found a place that is definitely worth mentioning. It’s healthy, scrumptious and they have cute little employees - females, to serve you. The first time Ray and went to the health bar was a few weeks back after hiking Diamond Head. We had originally intended on going to Bogarts, a cute little cafe right next door, but they were way too busy. We were famished and decided on going next door to the Health Bar.

The place had an artsy island atmosphere. The menu was written on chalk board above where young, inviting employees worked. Now I didn’t say the place was cheap. Actually, I thought, as most health places are, a little overpriced. Throw organic, or health on something only means more money. I was going to order a smoothie for 5.25 but Ray notice this bowl that two girls at a near by table was munching on. It looked like a smoothie in a bowl, with stuff in it. I went over and asked them what they were eating and if it was any good. The girl’s eyes popped out of her skull as she said, “it’s the acai bowl and it’s sooo good.” Alright, I’ll have one of those. If it had the power to do that to her round little eyes just think of what it could do to my slanty wide screen vision eyes. I had to know. Da Cove Bowl is like a fruit smoothie, with acai fruit, mixed berries, banana, strawberry and granola and topped with honey for $6.50. The Mana Bowl is two dollars more, $8.50 because it has more acai fruit and includes bee pollen. Now, if your like most people your probably thinking, “what the fuck is an acai fruit? And bee pollen? No thanks, I have allergies”

I’ll start with the acai fruit. Acai (pronounced ah-sigh-EE) is from Brazil’s Amazon rain forests and is the fruit of a palm tree. Here are some benefits of acai berries.

• Greater Energy and Stamina
• Improved Digestion
• Better Quality Sleep
• High Protein Value
• High level of Fiber
• Rich Omega Content for Your Heart
• Boosts Your Immune System
• Essential Amino Acid Complex
• Helps Regulate Cholesterol Levels
• 33x the Antioxidant Power of Red Grapes and Red Wine

Acai is also loaded with Vitamins B1, B2, B3, Vitamin E, Vitamin C, Phosphorus, Calcium, Potassium, Fiber, and Proteins, all essential to your daily well being and health.

As for bee pollen, the nutrients found in Bee Pollen include polyphenols, enzymes, beneficial fatty acids, free amino acids, vitamin complexes, chelated minerals and trace elements, as well as a large array of phytonutrients. Since the nutrients in Bee Pollen are extremely concentrated even a small amount will complement any diet. Perhaps it’s worth the extra two dollars for the extra acai fruit and bee pollen.

Uhh, not when you cheap. Ray got the Da Cove Bowl, and I splurged and got the Mana Bowl. We sat outside and waited and waited and waited. I went inside to see what was taking so long. Did they forget about us? I mean, the only other people in there were the bug eyed girls. I stood in front of the counter making sure my presence would go unnoticedd. The two girls behind the counter chatted away, taking their sweet time, even stopping every so often to make hand gestures or stop in awe of what the other had to say. Hello, Blondie, and Miss Asian Persuasion, are you dense?. You throw all the ingredients into the blender and press the button. After 30 minutes of waiting we finally got our order. One word, orgasmic. I forgot to add that you get an option of chewy or crunchy granola. We both chose crunchy. Not only do they put granola atop but also there is granola at the bottom so you don’t have to worry about trying to make it last. The bee pollen has a subtle sweet taste that you probably wouldn’t even notice if you didn’t see it. This is the ideal treat for a hot day. It’s light, refreshing and healthy. The Health Bar is close to Diamond Head so after your vigorous hike you can reward yourself to a healthy treat and still feel good about it. Now if smoothies aren’t your thing they also offer other items such as, fish wrap - $9.25, veggie omelet- $8.00, fish salad - sm $10.25, lg $13.50, hummus - $8.75 and fresh squeezed juice for $6.50. $6.50? I could buy at least two cartons of juice for that much. I never said this place was cheap and they definitely don’t have supersonic service. Here’s my advice, order one Mana Bowl over the phone ahead of time and share it. One is large enough for two if your not hungry. The number is 808 732-8744, Drink water, it’s free, healthy and, thank God, self serve. If you want more information, here’s a link to their web site

Diamond Head Cove Health Bar Directions