I’m sure some of you have been to Ono Hawaiian Food so maybe one of you guys could tell me what the hell is really going on here. I mean every time I drive by during peak hours there’s this ridiculous line out the door. My sister came down from Los Angeles not too long ago so when she said she wanted some authentic Hawaiian food I was like, “sweet I know the perfect place, ” so I think. The food has got to be pretty freaking spectacular if people are willing to wait in line out in the rain like it was the morning of black Friday or something.

We got there just before closing and the people that came a few minutes after us were denied entrance enough though the neon sign said open. As you can see from inside the place looks like a small hole in the wall. I felt like I walked right into someones scrapbook. The walls were covered with clutters of pictures, memories, old newspaper clippings, and random scraps that was obviously pieces of someones life but meant diddle lei squat to me.

Service was below average. There’s Hawaiian service with aloha spirit and then there’s island service with an attitude. This was closer to island service. My sister, being a tourist and extremely picky, kept asking questions that are stupid to us but typical for tourist. “What is haupia? What’s laulau? What’s poi? How is it cooked? Do you guys use a lot of oil? Can you steam it?” I just kept telling myself that she’s your sister and a tourist, they don’t know any better but I could tell our waiter’s patience was wearing thin. Finally we decided upon the Combination Plate. Since it was a combo of a few of their signature items and the most expensive item on the menu, $14.75, I was certain that it would be a kick ass meal. The combination plate came with kalua pig and laulau, pipikaula, lomi salmon, haupia and rice.

Looks like a pile of shit.

This is your asshole . . .

This is your asshole on drugs . . . it blows up. Any questions? I think laulau would have been much more effective then that stupid egg commercial they played year after year. Watching them fry it only made me hungry for a loco moco. Now kids don’t judge a book by its cover. Although the laulau here may look like someones asshole on drugs, it tastes real good. So go ahead and toss that salad. I did and I loved it. No really, this was probably the best thing in the combo plate. The meat was really tender with just enough fat for flavor. I think every tourist that comes here should get their hands on some real laulau before they leave so they know what they’re missing out on back in the mainland.

This is the Lomi Salmon. If this dish looks small to you it’s because it is. All the food came in these small sauce dishes. The sad thing is the picture makes it look bigger than it really is. I took a close up so you guys can see what the food actually looks like. Maybe I just didn’t know how to eat it because It seemed like I was just eating salsa. It was bits of salmon and tons of tomatoes.

This is the Kalua Pig. Like the laulau it was tender, moist, and just overall really good. It wasn’t too salty or too greasy.

Along with our meal came some hot sauce. It was brought in the same sauce dishes as everything else so you guys have an idea of how small everything was.

This is the Pipikaula and no I didn’t eat any of it before I took a picture. It only came with two pieces of meat. Pipikaula can mean anything from cold beef jerky to slow smoked ribs. In this case it was cold beef jerky. And that’s exactly what it tasted like, cold jerky or left over scraps of someones food from two weeks ago left in a to go box in the back of a refrigerator for stupid tourists. It was weird to eat beef jerky for dinner, but fuck it. All I’m saying is next time I get invited to a pot luck my ass is bringing a bag of beef jerky. “What, you guys don’t know about beef jerky for dinner, man you guys gotta get out more. Hawaiians do it all the time, it’s tradition.”

And this is sliced onions. I’m not trying to be ignorant but I am clueless. The more I looked at my dinner the more it seemed like left over scraps. Onions for dinner? I don’t get it. Am I suppose to eat it with the laulau? Put hot sauce over it and eat it with the beef jerky? Or maybe, just maybe it’s plan B for a really bad date. “Oh sorry, I would love to kiss you but I just had a dish of raw onions but thanks for dinner and don’t call me I’ll call you.” That has to be it.

And the last of the Combination Plate was the haupia. It was mushy. I’ve had better.

Along with our Combination Plate Selena ordered a side of Kim Chee, $1.80. It was good. I love homemade kim chee.

Selena also ordered a side of Plain Butterfish (Boiled), $5.25. This was the biggest disappointment for my sister. She kept going on and on about how this tasted exactly like moms fish and how mom would go to the grocery store buy a whole fish and make it exactly like this and it cost less than $5.00 and have enough for two days. I have to agree, $5.25 for a few pieces of cheap fish is absurd to me. The fish was good but I will probably never order this again and my mom makes it so much better.

Like I said, I just don’t get it. This place was on my list of places that I had to try just because of the crazy lines that formed out the door. It’s sad but it seems as though every time I go to one of these long ass lines out the door places I end up being hugely disappointed. This place was no different.

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Ono Hawaiian Food
726 Kapahulu Ave
Honolulu, HI
(808) 737-2275

If you haven’t noticed there’s a few places throughout Oahu that tend to have lines out the ying yang. It’s crazy because I’m like, “what the fuck is going on over there, what are they cooking that so special?” I need to know. Obviously Eggs’n Things are one of those places. Now this place has to advertise directly to the Japanese because there’s an abundance of them here.

Waiting in line, I felt like I was outside an I.N.S. (Immagration Naturalization Services) office.

Once we were sat inside, I was quite impressed with the nice clean finish on the inside and it was a little bigger than what I had expected it to be just by looking from the outside. Their menus are on a wooden board, English on one side and Japanese on the other.

Sara got the Blueberry Waffle, $7.50. This was really good, but not really what I expected their waffles to be like. I saw big thick waffles in my head you know. This place is know for having ginormous dishes. Come on guys, step up your game.

Shane got the Coconut Waffle. He loved it and could not have been happier. Oh, Shane, such a stoic, easy to please man.

Ray got the Banana Waffles, $7.50. He said they were great, but soon regret his order when he laid eyes upon Justin’s plate.

I took this picture to show just how thin this waffles were, thinner than pancakes. The bananas tasted really fresh and were bounteous. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone loved them, but some people have preferences. If you prefer thin waffles you should fucking come here if you don’t order something else.

Since everyone else got waffles I decided to go with crepes, that way I could take a little bit of waffle from everyone else and still have my crepe. Lesson #1, think like a fatty, just don’t look like one. The great thing about crepes is that you don’t really get any surprises with them, they’re thin pancakes, they will always be thin, if they come out thick, someone fucked up and you got pancakes instead. I ordered the Strawberry Rolled Crepe, $8.95. I love crepes, but as a lone ranger. Somehow every time I order them filled I end up being disappointed. This time was no different. The menu said they were, “delicate thin pancakes.” I should of taken that to heart because, delicate they were. By the time I got to my second crepe, it started to crumble and deteriorate. It literally dissolved into such small pieces that it made eating with a fork a skill. Let this be a lesson to me.

Justin got the Potato, Bacon and Cheese Omelet, $10.75. All omelette’s are made with three fresh eggs and come with pancakes, rice or potatoes. As soon as Ray laid his eyes upon Justin’s dish he knew he had ordered the wrong dish. Then he tasted it and it only confirmed that this dish should belong to him. Justin said, “ten out of ten, I give this dish a ten, it couldn’t have been better.”

These are they pancakes that it came with. For $10.75 this dish could easily be shared by two. There you have it, guys. That’s their secret, fantastic omelette’s.

Alright guys, it’s story time. So just as we’re finishing up with our breakfast I notice the this ginormous milkshake the waitress has in her hand. My eyes are fixed on her as she walks right next to my table and hands it to this cute Japanese girl. All of them do the cute, little Japanese giggle. Ray tells me to stop staring, but I can’t, I’m memorized. “Fuck you, mind your own business,” I say and then I turn to the cute Japanese, smile, and nod my camera to her, which is code for, “may I take your picture?” She nods, I gesture for her to pick up the milkshake, she willingly obliges. Japanese girls are so adorable.

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Eggs’n Things
1911 Kalakaua Ave # B
Honolulu, HI
(808) 949-0820

When I was a kid my mother use to take me to San Jose on her days off. San Jose has a huge Vietnamese community that made my mom feel right at home. We would drive an hour just for some pho, then before we drove back home we would make a stop at a deli to stock up on some Vietnamese sandwiches.

If your not familiar with a Vietnamese sandwich it might look a little odd at first. A basic one, like the one you see above will consist of pork sausage, pickled sweet and sour carrots and radishes, cilantro, meat paste, mayonnaise, and sometimes a few fresh slices of jalapenos on a French roll. These have to be one of my all time favorite sandwiches.

This one was really good. However, I didn’t really care for the fish sauce they put on it because it made the sandwich a little too salty for my liking.

Summer Rolls, $4.29. These were large and nicely rolled. I liked that it came in a combo pack of one shrimp and one shredded pork roll.

As for my dessert I couldn’t decide between almond jello or tapioca so I got them both. At the low rate of $1.50 I could afford to treat myself. The almond jello was good but the tapioca one was really mushy and soft. I don’t think it was overdone, just probably sitting there too long.

Bale Sandwich Shop is one of the largest local chains in the state. With two locations in Maui, one on the big island, one on Kauai, and about twenty here on Oahu this place has really prospered and grown.

Overall I’m pretty satisfied with this place. The prices were fair, food was good. Just don’t order the tapioca unless it looks fresh and remember to ask for the sandwich without fish sauce.

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Ba Le Sandwich & Vietnamese Shop
333 Ward Ave.
Honolulu, HI 96815
(808) 591-0935