Chili’s, yet another chain. Hey, I’m not a huge fan of Chili’s either. As a matter of fact I got fired from Chili’s years ago for drinking on the job. Can you believe that shit? And after everything I’ve done for them. Whatever I don’t hold grudges, I get revenge by writing them a horrible review. Just kidding. Like I said, I don’t know how to lie so here goes, I think Chili’s hires only illegal Mexican immigrants. No joke, when I use to work there, not this one but one in California, all they had back there were Mexicans. There’s not a chance in hell a White or Chinese person could get a job as a cook or dish washer. I don’t care how good their resume looks and trust me affirmative action won’t be there. Now I know there’s not a whole lot of Mexicans here on the island but I have a hunch that most of them, except for Ray, are working illegally there.

Lets get to the nitty gritty shall we. Ahhhhh dessert, how I love thee, let me count the bites. Seriously, this Molten Chocolate Cake $7.99, is so good I want to smear it all over my body and make love to it, only it would burn me because it’s freaking hot, so I have to settle for putting it in my mouth. It’s a scoop of vanilla ice cream covered with a hard chocolate shell on top of a bed of warm chocolate cake filled with hot chocolate fudge. There are times when it’s worth ever cute dimple on your ass to indulge, this is one of those times.

Here’s a repeat just in case you missed the first one.

The funny thing is, Ray and I came here to be somewhat healthy. I mean we did have the best of intentions by ordering a salad and sharing it. This is the Quesadilla Explosion, $12.99. “Fajita marinated chicken, corn relish, mixed cheeses, cilantro, diced tomato & crispy tortilla strips. Garnished with a chipotle ranch drizzle & cheese quesadilla wedges. Served with citrus balsamic dressing.”

Yeah, it’s probably not very healthy at all. It was alright. Ray really likes this salad. If you want my advise, go to Costco, they have this fiesta salad mix that’s to die for, with dressing and all. Swing by Chinatown, where produce is cheap, and pick up a white onion, tomato, lime, and cilantro. Chop it all up, mix up the salad, squeeze some lime juice in and a splash of tabasco if you like it spicy, throw in the dressing and there you have it one of the best salads ever. It would kicks this ones ass.

A fan of Chili’s but not all the tourist that flock round Waikiki? Well then I suggest taking a trip over to Kahala. I’m too really a fan of Chili’s but Ray is so whenever he gets his Chili’s cravings we compromise by going over to the one in Kahala. I like this one so much more. First, the location along is worth the drive. We don’t have to deal with crowds of tourist. Second, the ambiance is in better taste. I notice that I don’t have a photo of the inside of the Chili’s in Waikiki, but it’s like the Chili’s you see everywhere else. It’s a clutter of outdated photos from 1970 and 80’s, of when they use to be involved in the community. I hate the cluttered look at restaurants. To me they convey, “hey we have no designing skills so we’re just going to put all kinds of random shit everywhere and hope it looks good.” Anyway, I think the old designer of Chili’s got fired because this is what the Chili’s at Kahala looks like

What an improvement. I think they should redesign all the old Chili’s to look like this. There’s no clutter anywhere and tons of natural lighting fills the room.

There’s also bar seating, which is where we decided to sit to mix it up a bit. Well, not really. There was a 40 minute wait, so it was wait or sit at the bar. We took the bar.

It seems as though every time I come here I end up eating these Southwestern Egg rolls, $9.79. A good thing too because they are so so good. They’re filled with smoked chicken, black beans, corn, jalapeno jack cheese, red peppers and spinach all wrapped inside a crispy flour tortilla and served with this amazing avocado ranch dipping sauce. I love them when I’m eating them, but hate them when I see the bill. At $9.79 for 6 half pieces, that’ only three eggrolls, which means I paid over three dollars for a stupid eggroll. Fuck you Chili’s for making a delicious egg roll so good that even cheap ass me will bend my wallet just to get my hands on one. Fuck you straight up your sweet pie hole.

Chili’s sure knows how to dress up a simple salad. This was a basic salad, with Romain lettuce. Add tomatoes, croutons and cheese and you have a pretty desirable salad. We ordered this salad with our meal for $3.99 but if you order it alone it cost $5.29.

This was Ray’s pick, The Old Timer with Cheese, $9.49 and cheese cost an extra $1.00. It’s a basic burger with lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles and lettuce. Ray couldn’t have been happier with this pick. I took a bite and admit it was a good burger, but just so you know, a great burger doesn’t impress me. I’m not a burger whore, but Ray, he’s from Texas, so let’s just stereotype here and say all Texans are burger whores. I remember after dinner Ray was like, “wow, that was a really good burger. It was so juicy and just really hit the spot.” And I was like, “yeah, yeah, it’s a fucking cow, get over it. Hey do you want any dessert?” Anyway, it impressed Ray so much that about a week later we were back and Ray ordered the same burger.

Shane, our roommate ordered the Triple Dipper, $12.99. I’m a fan of this dish because you get a variety of choices to choose from: boneless Shanghai wings, southwestern eggrolls, boneless buffalo wings, wings over buffalo, chicken crispers, spinach and artichoke dip and fried cheese. You get three picks. He chose two servings of the southwestern eggrolls and spinach and artichoke dip.

There you have it folks. If your willing to check it out there’s directions below.

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Chili’s
2350 Kuhio Ave
Honolulu, HI 96815
(808) 922-9697

Chili’s
4211 Waialae Ave
Honolulu, HI 96816

Get Directions(808) 738-5773
Get D

Happy Anniversary!!! It’s our two year anniversary. I met Ray back in San Francisco two years ago. My best friend in high school, Jackie, moved to Texas and there she met Ray. Years later Jackie happen to be in San Francisco. San Francisco was an hour from where I lived so I hopped in the car to go see her. She introduces me to Ray and it’s been love ever since. That was two years ago. We got engaged back in February but we like to celebrate our anniversary on the day we met, because for us, that was the first day of our lives together. Awe, how adorable. Go ahead and throw up, I’m not going anywhere.

So on our two year anniversary Ray takes me to Haleiwa Joe’s. He was really bummed out because he wanted to take me to the Haleiwa Joes in Kaneohe but the Pali was closed that night. So he calls his friend, Beau, who is in front of his computer 24/7, for detour directions. His friend gives him directions to the Haleiwa Joe’s in Haleiwa not aware that Ray wanted to take me to the other one. We got here really late and decide to stay. Ray’s still bummed because he says the other one is just that much better. I have yet to find out.

We sat outside where the moonlight and fire from the candles gave the room and very romantic glow. There’s nice seating available inside as well.

We started off with the Ahi Spring Rolls, $9.95. These were amazing. The thin layer of wonton skin gave this dish the perfect amount of crispiness that cracked in your mouth with every bite announcing to every taste bud, ” hey guys, it’s time to eat. Trust me, you want to be awake for this.” Ohhh yum.

I’m a sucker for nuts and fruit on my salad so when I saw the Haleiwa Paradise Salad, $7.95 I knew I found the one. This was perfect, especially since we just had the Ahi Spring Roll, so I was already getting pretty full. The salad was mixed in a subtle sweet orange ginger vinaigrette that really enhanced the sweet candied walnuts and the mandarin oranges. Everything tasted really fresh.

Prime Rib, market price. The market price on August 25 was a whopping $32.00. Yeah, I know this should not be allowed any where near this food blog, but it was our anniversary so you can have anything you want baby.

He ordered it medium well. He said it had a nice thickness to it that made his mouth water just at the shear sight of it. The meat was juicy and so tender that his molars felt as if they were given a vacation every time they soaked into the meat. I, on the other hand, cringe at the sight of blood. The only thing I eat raw is fish. The mash potatoes were amazing but the peas were a little undercooked.

Haleiwa Joes isn’t the cheapest place to dine but there will come a time when it’s worth it to spend a little extra cash for a nice meal.

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Haleiwa Joes Seafood Grill

66-011 Kamehameha Hwy

Haleiwa, HI 96712

Get Directions

(808) 637-8005

Remember when we left A Taste of New York, well this is where we ended up at Cafe Laufer. After leaving A Taste of New York we were basically up for anything. We strolled the streets, scanning the menus tapped to the windows of each eatery. The cute European style decor of this place hooked us and we decided to stay for lunch.

Cafe Laufer is the kind of place where you want to say and have coffee all day but fail to do so only because you feel bad for taking up a whole table because the place is small and busy.

But this is the ideal place to take a long time friend to catch up or reminisce of the old days over some coffee, tea and a slice of cake.

Oh, decisions, decisions . . . I’ll take a tiramisu. It just seemed to fit the ambience so I went with it.

This looked better than it tasted. Don’t you hate it when that happens? Tiramisu could quite possibly be the best dessert ever when made properly. To be honest with you, I never made a tiramisu in my life but I probably have eaten more tiramisus than anyone should ever consume in their entire existence. With a palate as sensitive as mine, I’m quite sure what a good tiramisu should taste like. Tiramisu is made with ladyfingers that are kissed with a mixture of coffee, rum, and sugar. When you bite into it it should be light, but not too rich and a small hint of sweet, creamy, coffee and rum should linger on your tongue after each swallow. The ladyfingers tasted like small slices of the bottom of a dry cake. Also, I couldn’t taste any rum, which was the biggest disappointment for me. The cream was a little over the top and the whole thing was so dry. I’m not saying it was awful, I don’t think I ever had tiramisu that was so bad I didn’t eat. Let’s just say out of all the tiramisu I ever had, this makes it in the bottom 10. The slice cost me somewhere around $5.00.

This was my entree, Thai Satay Chicken Salad, $10.75. It was very tasty, but little bit too dry. I thought the white plate gave it a nice, clean finish.

Gourmet Sandwich, $9.85. All sandwiches are served with mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato and pickle. You pick your choice of filling, cheese, and bread. Ray got chicken salad filling, cheddar cheese, and french bread. He couldn’t have been happier with this plate. He said it was the perfect amount of food, they were generous with the chicken salad filling and everything was tasty.

Large Pasta Salad, 6.95. This was perfect for Shane because I don’t know anyone that loves pasta salad more than he does.

Here’s another quick story for you. So I’m taking pictures of my food and the lady next to me goes, “what are you gonna do with all those pictures,” I pause, well, it was more like hesitated to tell her that I have this food blog because she was so cute and old and if she reads my blog she’ll find words on it like, biznatch, donkey dick, whore, ass rape, need I say more? But my hesitation made it look like I was conducting a top secret, food review and of course stirred up more curiosity from not only grandma but from the surrounding tables as well. I manage to spit out, ” I write for an online food site.” And of course being old and fragile she fails to hear what I had to say and goes, “huh?” Now Ray and Shane decide to take it upon themselves to answer for me and say, “she’s a food critic.” Of course the waitress happens to be walking by just as they say that. She shuffles to the back and I’m sure tells everyone a food critic is in the building. Also, all the tables around hear I’m a food critic, some poke their heads into the conversation and say, “what’s the site called again?” with pen and paper in hand. I hesitate again and then decided it’s my food blog, I’m gonna own it, “its called cheap places to eat in oahu Hawaii dot com.” Now the waitress comes over with more soda for Ray, ask if we need anything, if she can get us anything, you know really good service.

I have to say I kinda felt like I was a celebrity. Which is funny because I know in real life I’m totally not. But if I get good service or free food for it, two words, “fuck yeah.” You got that, need me to say it again? You bet your ass I’ll take free food, good service, VIP treatment, leftovers. That’s my dream, to hop from place to place like that Samantha Brown chick in Passport To . . . on the Travel Channel or Anthony Bourdain in No Reservations. So all my loyal fans out there, go, run, tell every business owner you know to send me some free coupons, gift certificates, cookies, in the mail. I will take it with open arms and I will use it or eat it. Then I will come back and report to you exactly how it went, even if I have to be brutally honest. What can I say, I don’t know how to lie.

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Cafe Laufer
3565 Wai’alae Avenue 107
Honolulu, HI 96816
(808) 7357717