Have you notice that there’s not a whole lot of Southern Restaurants here? Well, if you feel like taking a drive to the Makaha on the West Side you’ll find one called Southern Swell. The first time I’ve been here was on vacation back in February. Since then there’s been a change of ownership. Of course we didn’t know this until we last came here.

Along with the ownership there have been a lot of changes, like the decor of the whole place. Before, the name suited the place well. When I say that I mean it was really hot and draggy. I don’t remember exactly, but I do recall seeing a lot of gray when I think of it last. Now, as you can see, they managed to liven up the place rather nicely. I do want to mention however, this was the nicest part of the restaurant, the rest looked like a dirty, cluttered mess of someones home.

There was seating out in the side patio as well. It was a pretty large area that was covered so we were able to enjoy being outside, yet still feel like we were inside and not burning up under the sun.

Now, if you come here expecting expecting a huge array of southern comfort foods like collard greens, crawfish, sweet potato pie and grits you won’t find it here. But they do have the traditional country fried steak, biscuits and gravy, mac and cheese, beer batter catfish, chicken wings, smoked pulled pork, baby back ribs, BBQ chicken, corn on the cob and potato salad to name a few.

We came here for smoked, BBQ anything. Last time we were here there was a huge smoke pit out front where they smoke your meat all day until it was as tender as a baby’s ass. It was a bummer to not see it here this time. We decided against ordering any serious BBQ and shared the Smoked Chicken Quesadilla, $7.50. It came in a 12 inch flour tortilla with cheddar cheese, pico de gallo, refried beans, smoked chicken and tomato jam. Yes tomato jam. It’s that big red blob that looks like, well, I don’t want to ruin your appetite so I won’t mention it, but contrary to what it looks like, it was de-licious. I can’t say I ever had tomato jam before and now that I have, I’m a fan. There wasn’t a whole lot of chicken and the refried beans gave it a mushy consistency. Overall, the quesadilla was good but didn’t have the heartiness you’d expect from southern food.

Along with quesadilla we shared the Smoked Pulled Pork, $8.00. It came on a pathetic bun, topped with homemade BBQ, steak fries, and a pathetic slice of pickle to match. Let’s start with the fries. Do these look like steak fries to you? I’m not an expert in the fries department so correct me if I’m wrong, but my idea of steak fries are thick, sizable fries. These were thin, some parts were paper thin and they were seasoned with pepper rather than salt. Also, they didn’t have any chalkiness, which is a good thing. I know it sound like I’m bashing them and I’m really not. Just calling it the way I saw it. To my surprise actually I enjoyed these, “steak fries.” The bun for the sandwich was pathetic. It was the size of a bun you’d expect if you ordered a kids meal. As you can see the sandwich came with no veggies, just meat and BBQ sauce. This didn’t surprise me because Southern people aren’t really known for their large consumption of fruits and vegetables. The pulled pork was really tasty. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten bad pulled pork in Hawaii. The BBQ sauce had a nice sweetness and added great flavor.

Overall, I have to say I’m not a huge fan of this place. I think I prefer the prior Southern Swell. I’m not saying you guys shouldn’t try this place. As a matter of fact I think you should. It was good. More reasons for you to come here is B.Y.O.B. That’s right, they let you bring your own beer. I absolutely love places that let you bring your own alcohol. Did I mention all the free wireless internet you can get. Yes free, who doesn’t love internet these days. I think all business should offer free internet for the fuck of it and the fact that they do is awesome.

Like diners, I’m a little stereotypical when it comes to southern food. I know it’s a little ignorant, but hey, at least I admit it. It’s something I need to work on. I’m just going to be brutally honest here so if your sensitive or get offended easily stop reading. When I think southern food I think obesity. I haven’t had a whole shit load of southern food, but the times I have had it wasn’t very impressive. The vegetables are usually overcooked to the point where ‘ no nutritional value whatsoever, soaked in grease, cooked with ham, and look like a mussy mess. Come on have you seen their collared greens, two words, baby shit. Also, it’s called comfort food because after eating it your doused with a sudden case of food coma, too lethargic to move, so where ever you are, one must find comfort, you have no choice. And over time, you look like one big comfort-able bean bag. How fucking awesome is that? I do want to add that Southern people really know how to BBQ. Look, I’m going to stop before I piss off the wrong people and end up in pieces and ran through a wood grinder. I’m just going to end this post with a few links to back me up.

Obesity in the South

Southern Comfort Food is Too Much of a Good Thing

Religion + South + Comfort Food = Obesity

Southern Discomfort Food

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87-070 Farrington Hwy

Waianae, HI 96792-3114

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(808) 852-9893

Remember when we left A Taste of New York, well this is where we ended up at Cafe Laufer. After leaving A Taste of New York we were basically up for anything. We strolled the streets, scanning the menus tapped to the windows of each eatery. The cute European style decor of this place hooked us and we decided to stay for lunch.

Cafe Laufer is the kind of place where you want to say and have coffee all day but fail to do so only because you feel bad for taking up a whole table because the place is small and busy.

But this is the ideal place to take a long time friend to catch up or reminisce of the old days over some coffee, tea and a slice of cake.

Oh, decisions, decisions . . . I’ll take a tiramisu. It just seemed to fit the ambience so I went with it.

This looked better than it tasted. Don’t you hate it when that happens? Tiramisu could quite possibly be the best dessert ever when made properly. To be honest with you, I never made a tiramisu in my life but I probably have eaten more tiramisus than anyone should ever consume in their entire existence. With a palate as sensitive as mine, I’m quite sure what a good tiramisu should taste like. Tiramisu is made with ladyfingers that are kissed with a mixture of coffee, rum, and sugar. When you bite into it it should be light, but not too rich and a small hint of sweet, creamy, coffee and rum should linger on your tongue after each swallow. The ladyfingers tasted like small slices of the bottom of a dry cake. Also, I couldn’t taste any rum, which was the biggest disappointment for me. The cream was a little over the top and the whole thing was so dry. I’m not saying it was awful, I don’t think I ever had tiramisu that was so bad I didn’t eat. Let’s just say out of all the tiramisu I ever had, this makes it in the bottom 10. The slice cost me somewhere around $5.00.

This was my entree, Thai Satay Chicken Salad, $10.75. It was very tasty, but little bit too dry. I thought the white plate gave it a nice, clean finish.

Gourmet Sandwich, $9.85. All sandwiches are served with mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato and pickle. You pick your choice of filling, cheese, and bread. Ray got chicken salad filling, cheddar cheese, and french bread. He couldn’t have been happier with this plate. He said it was the perfect amount of food, they were generous with the chicken salad filling and everything was tasty.

Large Pasta Salad, 6.95. This was perfect for Shane because I don’t know anyone that loves pasta salad more than he does.

Here’s another quick story for you. So I’m taking pictures of my food and the lady next to me goes, “what are you gonna do with all those pictures,” I pause, well, it was more like hesitated to tell her that I have this food blog because she was so cute and old and if she reads my blog she’ll find words on it like, biznatch, donkey dick, whore, ass rape, need I say more? But my hesitation made it look like I was conducting a top secret, food review and of course stirred up more curiosity from not only grandma but from the surrounding tables as well. I manage to spit out, ” I write for an online food site.” And of course being old and fragile she fails to hear what I had to say and goes, “huh?” Now Ray and Shane decide to take it upon themselves to answer for me and say, “she’s a food critic.” Of course the waitress happens to be walking by just as they say that. She shuffles to the back and I’m sure tells everyone a food critic is in the building. Also, all the tables around hear I’m a food critic, some poke their heads into the conversation and say, “what’s the site called again?” with pen and paper in hand. I hesitate again and then decided it’s my food blog, I’m gonna own it, “its called cheap places to eat in oahu Hawaii dot com.” Now the waitress comes over with more soda for Ray, ask if we need anything, if she can get us anything, you know really good service.

I have to say I kinda felt like I was a celebrity. Which is funny because I know in real life I’m totally not. But if I get good service or free food for it, two words, “fuck yeah.” You got that, need me to say it again? You bet your ass I’ll take free food, good service, VIP treatment, leftovers. That’s my dream, to hop from place to place like that Samantha Brown chick in Passport To . . . on the Travel Channel or Anthony Bourdain in No Reservations. So all my loyal fans out there, go, run, tell every business owner you know to send me some free coupons, gift certificates, cookies, in the mail. I will take it with open arms and I will use it or eat it. Then I will come back and report to you exactly how it went, even if I have to be brutally honest. What can I say, I don’t know how to lie.

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Cafe Laufer
3565 Wai’alae Avenue 107
Honolulu, HI 96816
(808) 7357717

Our friends are Auntie Pasto’s whores. It seems like they’re there almost every other week. Last week Sara’s sister came over from the big island and where did they go for dinner? Auntie Pasto’s of course. After my first visit here I can see why. A group of us made it out here one night and we all agree, Auntie Pasto’s is the shit.

I was a little surprised at how nice the place was. The candles and dim lights gave this place a charm and glow that makes you feel very welcomed.

Now if you do plan on getting an appetizer you must get the Mozzarella Marinara, $7.00. It’s mozzarella cheese wrapped in fresh crepes and tomato sauce. Basically a little bit of cheesy heaven in your mouth. I’m not even a fan of cheese, if you ask me, when it comes to cheese, less is more, or in most cases I’d rather do without. But this Mozzarella Marinara thing, oh, it’s different, a league of her own, I kid you not. Justin and Sara were like, “try it, it’s good.” As soon as I cut into it, hot melted cheese oozes out like hot lava. I secretly wanted to take the dish all to myself and run and eat while I ran so when I was caught I would turn around with an empty plate in hand and a mouth full of cheese, but instead I decided to be mature about this and took another, rather large bite.

This is the Madeline Salad, $6.25. This salad was sensational. It has a light sweetness that does summer saults on your tongue. My complaint is that it was so small and that within minutes of us finally finding each other I felt alone, abandon and scared wondering what just happen. Are you really gone? How can you be gone already when we just met?
Really, the salad wasn’t much bigger than this, I took one large bite and then realized I had to take a picture. It’s a good salad to start with, but what about those people who don’t start with salad but have it as an entree? There’s no way this could fill anyone up. I guess it’s a good thing this wasn’t my entree.

Sara got a Hail Caesar, $5.50. Again it wasn’t that big, and we took a bite before we realized we had to take a picture.

I was so happy to see a nice array of choices to choose from on the dessert menu. I was torn, tiramisu or creme brulee? It’s been a while since I had really good creme brulee, so creme brulee it was and of course I had to have it as my appetizer, why torture myself and wait till after dinner? Sometimes patience is just stupid. It was everything I had hoped for and so much more. The creme brulee cost $5.00 and even though it was worth every penny it was so not enough. Even Ray was in love with it and he’s not a fan of custard at all. Everyone agreed, it wasn’t enough, more, we need more.

Here’s my main course Creamy Pesto, $9.75. It’s extra green because I added some spinach to it for no extra charge. The waiter waiter goes,”you could have it any way you want.” Yum. It was good, but I would have traded it for the creme brulee in a heart beat.

Shane and Justin got this plate, Gnocchi (nee-okkee) $11.00. It really looked a lot better than the picture looks. Potato dumplings served with meat, mushrooms or a creamy pesto sauce. I think this is with the meat sauce, but no guarantees. Shane had Justin order for him and I don’t live with Justin so I can’t ask him.

This was Sara’s dish and I liked this one better than mine so I kept secretly taking bites of hers. She never notice because she’s a lush and loves red wine. Fried Eggplant & Gorgonzola $9.50.

It’s hard for Ray to pass up good pizza. This is the Margarite, Neapolitan-style, 10.95. I love that they sprinkled basil all over this thing. It was good, but I don’t think it was Oh My God, good.

So time for dessert. If it were up to me I would have picked the tiramisu but it’s not always about me. This was a group decision and we decided upon the Cannoli, $4.00. Here I am modeling the cannoli. I know this picture makes it look like a pile of white shit, but I swear it didn’t look like that in person. Along with the cannoli we orderd another creme brulee.

I gotta say, with all the places I still have yet to visit, I will definitely make it back here. Our friends had friend who worked here so when we got our tab, all five crafts of wine, all the dessert and a few other dishes were left off so it made our dining experience even more satisfying. I don’t know how anyone can’t love this place.

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Auntie Pasto’s Restaurant
1099 S. Beretania St.
Honolulu, HI 96814