The best thing about this place is not their philly cheese steak sandwiches but that they have free wifi. Not only is it free but it’s also strong enough to steal from the Star Bucks across the street. Fuck Star Bucks for trying to make us pay for T-Moble.

As for the cheese steak sandwiches, I have yet to find out. I ordered the Ono Philly Chicken, Cheese & Mushroom Sandwich. Sandwiches come in three sizes, 7″, 10″ and 16″. Ray and I shared the 10″ for $7.19. All sandwiches come with your choice of cheese, grilled onions and hot or sweet peppers all placed inside an Amoroso roll that’s apparently imported for Philadelphia. We also got a small order of steak fries for $2.19. Ray didn’t want any onions and I gave him most of the mushrooms because I love him and wasn’t really all that hungry. Another great thing about this place is that they are open 24/7. That means after the clubs when your all drunk and incoherent you don’t have to settle for hot dogs any more. If hot dogs with florescent green relish tastes good when your drunk just think how good these babies will taste, fucking incredible.

After we ate, we walked over to Star Bucks and opened up our lap tops. Hey, we’re still paying customers, just not Star Bucks.

Directions to Ono Cheese Steak

Ono Cheese Steak Website

Like fast food, I’m also not a huge fan of chain restaurants. However, there are exceptions to every rule. I’ve never been before and that was a good enough exception for me.

I ordered a noodle plate for about $7.00. There was a picture of it and it looked light and filling. When I got the dish I was a little disappointed. The picture made it seem like a dry dish, like chow mein or pasta but instead my meal looked like soup. I don’t know about you, but being in Hawaii, I have to be in a certain mood for soup. I’m not saying my dish was soup, but it was soupy and that’s not what I had in mind. Also it was room temperature and the noodles were over done.

Ray got the yummy special. It came with four sides and two scoops of rice for $8.79. The meat was warm, like it had been sitting under a hot lamp and all the sides were room temperature. Now when I say room temperature, I don’t mean cold, I mean it was seriously like they opened a can of corn and served it that way. No thought was put into it, which doesn’t surprise me, considering their name is so not very creative. As for the taste, the meat had a sweet BBQ flavor. It was tasty, at least for the first five minutes then my taste buds lost interest.

Since it didn’t quite hit the spot there was a lot of food left. When I asked for a to go box so I could take the rest home for Kola, my dog, I was charged .50 cents. Fifty cents isn’t much, but that’s fucking ridiculous. Customers should never have to pay for to go boxes, ever. Whatever, I paid, wasn’t too happy about it, but I’m sure Kola was.

Here’s my advice, unless your into trying every place at least once, like me, don’t come here. Yummy is not that yummy.

Directions to Yummy BBQ

Don’t judge me because of this blog. If you want to know the truth, I can’t stand McDonald’s. I don’t think anyone one should ever step foot in a fast food establishment. However there are exceptions. For example, when I traveled to China a few years back, I was a huge fan of McDonald’s; their #1 fan, I should of bought stock, I loved them so much. I didn’t necessarily go there for food, but more for their free facilities. Another acceptable reason for going into a fast food joint is when they offer new items, not a new double hamburger with special sauce, but more like new items that are only offered in that region. Which is my reason for going to this McDonald’s, the taro root pie.

For those of you that are not familiar with taro root, let me share some knowledge with you. Taro root is native to Asia and grown extensively in the Pacific. It’s commonly used in the Hawaiian dish, poi. Good-quality taro root will be firm, brown and have hairy roots and must be eaten cooked with the skins removed. Use in a wide array of dishes, taro root is available year-round. It contains no fat, no cholesterol, no sodium, has few calories, and is very starchy.

As for the taro root pie, it looks just like McDonald’s classic apple pie on the outside, but on the inside it looks like Barney took a big fat shit.

A lot of my friends don’t like taro root because the only time they ever had it was at a fake luau. where it was in the form of poi, which has been said to taste like glue. In truth, this wasn’t bad. It’s not something I would come back for seconds for but it served its purpose and filled my curiosity. I liked it, a little. I was surprised to see that it even resembled the picture.

Wow! Now that’s pretty fucking impressive.

The taro root pie cost me .99 cents and is not offered on the mainland, not that I’m aware of. Now, here’s my advice, you should make a day of it and head to Barnes and Nobles, buy Fast Food Nation, the book. If your not a fan of reading, it’s cool, rent it instead at the local video store, I suggest Diamond Head Video. Also while your at it rent Super Size Me. On the way home make a quick stop at McDonald’s and treat your self to something fantastic. Don’t forget to super size it!

As I mentioned before I only go to McDonald’s for their free facilities and food that’s only offered here and no where else. Pies must be an easy outlet for them to venture out and be creative. When I first saw McDonald’s marketing their new Haupia Pies for .99 cents I knew that one day I would have enough time, money and energy to go and pick one of these bad boys up and give it a whirl.

Now for those of you that don’t know what the heck a haupia is, no worries. Haupia just means coconut milk based. In most cases it comes in the form of gelatin, but it’s also enjoyed as a cream or custard filling as it is here.

Again, I hate to admit it but this was good. The outside crust was crispy and flaky while the haupia filling inside was creamy, a little lumpy, warm, and not too sweet. Man, I really wish I hated the shit out of these pies. Trust me I want to bash the hell out of McDonalds’, but honesty is my freaking policy. Hey don’t get me wrong now, this was for blog purposes only. The pie you see here is the first and last haupia pie I will ever eat.

I would give you directions, but what’s the point? There’s a McDonalds’ at every other corner of every street in the world. If you can’t find one you are stupid.